Interviews Chronicles
by Kile Terro
Summary: One of my best fics is back! Interviews, the story of a supernatural hero with a dead end talk show. Contains Seasons 1 and 2.
1. Interviews

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Squaresoft's or Nintendo's characaters and animemaster (all lowercase) hopefully will not sue me because I am his friend...  
  
  
  
_______________________________________________________________________Interviews  
By:   
Kile Terro  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
  
  
Kile is sitting at a desk on what looks like a tonight show set  
  
Kile: Welcome, I am Kile. Today we will talk with various heroes, heroines, and villains from various video games. Let's welcome our first guest: Cloud Strife from Final fantasy VII!  
  
Cloud walks out onto the set and sits on a chair near the desk  
  
CLOUD  
  
Kile: Welcome to the show, Mr. Strife.  
  
Cloud: Glad to be here, just call me Cloud, though.   
  
Kile: I...can't...my producer is aiming a gun at me right...now...and will fire if I do.  
  
Kile looks behind the audience from his desk  
  
Cloud: ...   
  
Cloud looks around.   
  
Kile: OH! Questions! Where are those questions? Here they are. Mr. Strife, where were you born?   
  
Cloud: Nibelheim.   
  
VOICE IN AUDIENCE: HEY! I THOUGHT YOU WERE CREATED FIVE YEARS AGO BY HOJO!  
  
Kile rests his head on his hands  
  
Kile: animemaster, will you be quiet!?   
  
VOICE IN AUDIENCE: OKAY!   
  
Kile: Anyhow, are you planning on being in any future video games?   
  
Cloud: Not really...Squaresoft uses their characters once, in my case I was used three times FFVII, Ehrgeiz, and FF Tactics, then they send their characters straight to Hell.  
  
Kile sits motionless   
  
Kile: ...Well, I guess I'll bring out the next guest: Kuja Tribal from Final Fantasy IX!   
  
Kuja walks out onto the set and sits in the chair were Cloud used to sit, Cloud moved down a seat  
  
KUJA  
  
Kile appears confused   
  
Kile: W-welcome to the s-show, K-Kuja...?  
  
Kuja looks behind himself then at Kile   
  
Kuja: What?   
  
Kile: What the bloody Hell are you?!   
  
Kuja: What do you mean by that?  
  
Kile: WHAT are you, a dude a chick? I can't freaking tell!   
  
Kuja is annoyed   
  
Kuja: I am a male!   
  
Kile: Sorry about that, I couldn't tell. Moving right along, how are your feelings on not being the Final Boss in FF IX?   
  
Kuja: I am pissed about that! I was in my ultimate form and then once I was defeated someone having nothing to do with the story pops up! Damn that Necron!   
  
VOICE IN AUDIENCE: GET A HAIRCUT, YOU FREAK!   
  
Kile: Shuddup, animemaster!   
  
VOICE IN AUDIENCE: Sorry!   
  
Cloud: I agree with animemaster.  
  
VOICE IN AUDIENCE: Yeah-heh!   
  
Kuja jumps up  
  
Kuja: That's it! We're fighting!   
  
Cloud accepts and the two begin to fight   
  
Cloud has Kuja in a headlock   
  
Kile: Gentlemen!   
  
Cloud looks around   
  
Cloud: Someone come in?   
  
Kile: No, you two! Break it up! I'm doing my damnedest to put on an entertaining show.   
  
VOICE IN AUDIENCE: Hey! It's entertaining!   
  
Kile: animemaster, will you be quiet?! Hahh. I guess we should bring out the next guest: Princess Zelda from The Legend of Zelda!   
  
Zelda walks out on the set while the other two guests move each move down a seat.  
  
ZELDA  
  
Kile: So, Princess Zelda.   
  
Zelda: Yes?   
  
Kile:Are you bisexual?  
  
Zelda is disgusted   
  
Zelda: WHAT!!!???   
  
Kile: Well in Ocarina of Time your alter ego was a male Shieka named Shiek.   
  
Zelda: Well, I had to have good disguise from Gannondorf and what better than the opposite sex?   
  
Kile: It don't work so well in NYC...   
  
VOICE IN AUDIENCE: HEY, ZELDA! TAKE IT OFF!  
  
Zelda jumps out of her seat   
  
VOICE IN AUDIENCE: Sh-!   
  
He jumps out of his seat and is chased around the set by Zelda.   
  
Kile: Finally.   
  
Zelda walks back to her seat next to the desk   
  
Kile: Z-Zelda? What did you do with animemaster?   
  
Cloud: She blinded him with a Deku Nut and she seduced him.   
  
Everyone laughs   
  
Kuja: No, I think she transformed into Shiek and raped him!  
  
This got a bigger laugh from the audience, Kile, Kuja, and Cloud   
  
Kile looks at Zelda and her expression   
  
Kile: EVERYONE, GET DOWN!!!   
  
The audience and Kile duck just as Zelda explodes with anger and beats the crap out of Cloud and Kuja   
  
Kile peeks over his desk   
  
Kile: Um, b-before any-anyone gets, uh, hurt, I'm calling out the, ah, next guest: Serge from Chrono Cross!"   
  
Serge walks out onto the set while Zelda moves down a seat...and picks up the other two guests moving them down a seat  
  
Serge  
  
Kile: Serge, welcome to the show.   
  
No answer   
  
Kile sits motionless   
  
Kile: ...Sooo, Serge, you are the hero of the sequel to the masterpiece Chrono Trigger, correct?   
  
Serge nods   
  
Kile leans back to hear a voice right behind him   
  
VOICE BEHIND THE CURTAIN: WHAT HAPPENED TO CRONO?!   
  
Kile turns the chair around quickly facing the wide black curtains behind him   
  
Kile: animemaster, what ARE you doing?   
  
animemaster: Zelda tied me up, gagged me, then hung me up on this pole behind the curtains.  
  
Kile: Serge will you bring Mr. Strife and Kuja back to the world of the living for me?  
  
Serge nods and uses his elements on Cloud and Kuja.   
  
Kile: Wait a minute! If she gagged you how are you speaking?  
  
animemaster: I ate the gag.   
  
Kile (Disbelief): It wasn't a ball-gag was it? I don't want to have to drive you to the hospital to get your stomach pumped.   
  
animemaster is silent for a minute   
  
animemaster: Start the car, Kile, we need to go to the hospital...*whimper*.   
  
Kile: Serge, will you untie animemaster and bring him out from behind the curtains.   
  
Serge nods   
  
Kile gets up and walks in front of his desk   
  
Kile: Okay, this concludes our show, I hope you enjoyed it, I need to take my friend animemaster to the hospital now. I would like to thank our guests Serge, Zelda, Kuja, and Cloud for coming.   
  
Just then a bullet comes out from behind the audience and pierces Kile's leg   
  
Kile: DAMN! Serge, You're driving, the producer got me!  
  
END 


	2. Revenge of Interviews

Key:   
  
*INSERT TEXT HERE*=Narration  
  
(INSERT TEXT HERE)=Thought  
  
NAME[INSERT TEXT HERE]:=Feelings  
  
Text with no name or signs in front is action  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
REVENGE OF INTERVIEWS  
BY:  
Kile Terro  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
  
*When we last saw our host he was shot in the leg by his producer after calling Cloud "Cloud"...*  
  
IN THE CAR  
  
Kile: Damn it, Serge, where'd you learn to drive?!  
  
Serges moves his head and doesn't talk  
  
Kile[sarcasticly]: .....Really? [Normally]Hey, animemaster, you okay back there?  
  
animemaster: Well, my stomach is feeling a bit woozy.  
  
Kile: Just don't get sick in this car....I don't know whose it is.  
  
They come upon the hospital at last just in time for animemaster to get out and pass out  
  
Kile: ......Damn, grab his legs and I'll grabs his arms and we'll drag him in.  
  
Kile steps out  
  
Kile: ARGH!!!! Dammit! I forgot! I was shot...Hmm...  
  
Serge picks up animemaster  
  
Kile: ..............Ah, just get him signed in and come back for me.  
  
Serge does as told and walks into the hospital  
  
In across the street in the shadows are three shadows  
  
*What could these people be plotting??? What evil could be going through their minds??!!*  
  
Kile: ......ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZ......  
  
IN SHADOWS  
  
Girl: So, this be the great Kile. I figgered e'd be tahler.  
  
Man: Forget his height, just grab him and let's go.  
  
Girl: Aye, Mate.  
  
Boy: I think someone's coming!  
  
They leave with Kile's sleeping body  
  
Serge returns  
  
Serge: ?????????????   
  
Scratches head   
  
AT THE SHADOWY FIGURES HIDEOUT  
  
Kile: ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZz  
  
Girl: Wake up, ye bastard!  
  
She kicks him  
  
Kile: Whoa, what the hell'm I doin' here?!  
  
Kile is tied to a chair behind a desk  
  
Girl: We put ya there.  
  
Kile: Why?  
  
Girl: We're mad at ye!  
  
Kile: And again: Why?  
  
Girl: You didn't interview us!  
  
*Yes, the kidnappers of Kile were Kid from Chrono Cross, Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII, and Janus from Chrono Trigger!*  
  
Kid: Now, monkey-boy, interview us!  
  
Kile: Okay, what should I ask?  
  
Kile thinks  
  
Kile: Okay! I would like to introduce my my first guest: Kid from Chrono Cross!  
  
Janus: Let the mockery begin...  
  
Sephiroth: Yes, let it.  
  
Both: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kile: ....A-anyway, uh, Kid...  
  
Kid: Yes?  
  
Kile: Where were you born?  
  
Kid: ......Ask me sumthin' easier.  
  
Kile: Huh?  
  
Kid: I dunno where I was born. All I know is Ah'm Schala's clone, and I was sent to Guardia, raised by Lucca, and went to El Nido to look for Serge.  
  
Kile: Interesting.  
  
Kile attempts to untie the rope with his tail and hopes they don't see  
  
Kile: Uh, What are your feelings toward Serge?  
  
Kid: 'E's cool.   
  
Kile: Really?  
  
Kid: Aye, if you like pervahts!  
  
Kile: Huh?  
  
Kid: Right after we met on Cape Howl and we went back to Arni Village to sleep...well, maybe I shouldna put it as "shack up" when I told 'im we should find a place ta sleep.  
  
Kile: Whoa...  
  
Kid: 'E tried to $#^& me 28 times!!!!  
  
Kile: What'd you do to him?  
  
Kid: I drew my dagger and gave him a reason to wear those gloves!  
  
Kile: HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!  
  
Kid: What's so funny?  
  
Kile: What you said about giving him a reason to wear his gloves!  
  
Kid: .....How about ye, mate?  
  
Kile: ?  
  
Kid: Shack up?  
  
Kile: ...Uh, haha, after the show.  
  
Kid: Oh, okay.....  
  
Kile: Allow me to introduce my next guest: Final Fantasy VII's own Sephiroth!  
  
Sephiroth: Hello, glad to be here.  
  
Kile undoes knot one  
  
Kile: So, how's Mother?  
  
Sephiroth: She's fine, she had to join Jenny Craig though, she felt her cranium was filling with too much fat.  
  
Kile: Don't you hate it when that happens?  
  
Sephiroth: ???  
  
Kile: Uh, nothing. So, are you as mad as I am over the mispelling of your final form's name?  
  
Sephiroth: They mispelled it?!  
  
Kile: Yeah, instead of "Savior Sephiroth" it says "Safer Sephiroth."  
  
Sephiroth: Those &@%$-upped $#*^@^#!@&^*# ^%$*@^%!!!!!!  
  
Kile: ...Whoa...Um, I would like to introduce my third and final guest: Janus from Chrono Trigger!  
  
Janus: One among you will shortly perish...  
  
Kile: Too late, kid.  
  
Janus: ???  
  
Kile: Don't ask...   
  
Kile undoes knot two  
  
Kile: Are you aware of your cat's whereabouts?  
  
Janus: No.  
  
Kile: He became Guile in Chrono Cross.  
  
Janus: Really?!  
  
Kile: Yeah.  
  
Janus: Kid, you seen him?  
  
Kid: Aye, 'e's right.  
  
Janus: Great.  
  
Kile: Also, your sister Schala is there.  
  
Kid: Once agane, cahrrect.  
  
Kile: Moving along, do you think Zeal deserved such a downfall?  
  
Janus: Actually,.......yes.  
  
Sephiroth: How the mighty fall...  
  
Kile outdoes the final third knot  
  
Kile: Heheh.  
  
Kile jumps into the air and onto the desk.  
  
Kile: HAHAHA!!!! No rope can hold The Great Kile Terro!  
  
Sephiroth draws Masamune and points it at Kile's nose  
  
A sweat drop appears over Kile's head.  
  
Kile sits back into the chair and ties himself up  
  
Kile: Well, I interviewed you, now what?  
  
Sephiroth: Well, Janus and I are going to go to a bar and get smashed...  
  
Kile: Lucky bastards.  
  
Sephiroth: While you spend the afternoon shacking up with Kid.  
  
Kile: I'm the lucky bastard, now.  
  
Sephiroth: Goodbye.  
  
Janus: Adieu.  
  
Sephiroth and Janus leave  
  
Kid: Now, down ta work.  
  
Kid drags Kile under the desk  
  
animemaster busts through the door  
  
animemaster: Yo, K.T., we're here to save you.  
  
Kile: Get out, get out, GET OUT!!!  
  
animemaster: Where are you?  
  
Kile: Under the desk!  
  
animemaster: What are you doing under there?  
  
Kile: Kid from Chrono Cross!  
  
animemaster: ....Oh, well, as your new producer, your old was fired because of the shot....I order you to end!  
  
Kid screams with pleasure  
  
animemaster: Hahh, just like your old fics this one is turning into a lemon...  
  
Kile: What part of "get out" don't you understand?!  
  
animemaster: Wait, what happened to that bullet?  
  
Kile: ....I dunno.  
  
Kid: Sephy, AH, cut it out with the Mas-AAAA-mune!!!  
  
animemaster: All's well that ends well.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
THE END  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Kile: Like hell that's the end!!!  
  
animemaster: What's with you?  
  
Kile: I'm doing a sexy girl and the author ends the fic!  
  
animemaster: Hahh, okay how's this: I'll do the credits and you'll do Kid.  
  
Kile: Deal.  
  
animemaster: CREDITS:  
  
Narrator: sword master  
  
Producer: animemaster  
  
Author: Kile Terro  
  
Kile: And FBI agent: Kile Terro  
  
animemaster: FBI??  
  
Kile: Female Body Inspector!  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
THE REAL END  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	3. Interviews 03

Key:  
  
*INSERT TEXT HERE*=Announcer  
  
  
  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
Interviews   
By:   
Kile Terro  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
*Welcome to The Spirit Show with Kile Terro!*  
  
Kile Terro is sitting in his chair as usual  
  
Kile: .....Oh, it's begun. Great to see you all again!  
  
Voice in Audience: YOU SUCK!  
  
Kile: ......animem-!!  
  
animemaster comes out from behind the curtain behind Kile  
  
animemaster: It isn't me this time.  
  
Kile: Hmm.........Oh, well, I'll just explain some stuff...  
  
Voice in Audience: LIKE WHY YOU SUCK??!!  
  
Kile: ....I'm gonna kick that person's ass before this show is over...Anyhow, the explanations are: animemaster is the new producer...my old one is in a mental facility..far, far away...Ragnarock books guests, sword master is our announcer, and I am the host.  
  
Kid comes from behind curtain  
  
Kid: Whaddabout me, mate?  
  
Kile: Oh, yeah,! I remember! Kid is our stage hand.  
  
Serge comes around from the other side of the curtain  
  
Kile: And Serge works with security and does odd jobs.  
  
Voice in Audience: LIKE HELPING YOU SUCK??!!  
  
Kile: ....That person will die....  
  
Serge and Kid go behind the curtain, leaving the stage  
  
Kile: And also not only will we be having video game characters as guests but also anime characters! Who can't like that?  
  
Voice in Audience: ....Nahh, I ain't got nothing....  
  
Kile: ....Good...  
  
*Please welcome Tidus from Final Fantasy X!  
  
Tidus walks out onto the stage and sits in the chair next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: Welcome to the show!  
  
Tidus: Thanks, it's great to be here...I think.  
  
Kile: Let me...be the first to say...Final Fantasy X SUCKED!!!!  
  
Tidus: HUH??!! What do you mean?!  
  
Kile: Just what I said! I have played every FF in the numbered series except I and X was the WORST, new things had to be learned, older replaced, it was too short-  
  
Voice in Audience: Like your D***??!!  
  
Kile: ...He gonna die...and the hero was too happy-go-lucky! I'm waiting for my favorite hero from the FF series to be a guest...Oh, well, by law...and my probation...I have to ask you questions...  
  
Tidus: Shoot.  
  
Kile: I'm tempting to...to him! (Points into the audience) Wherever he is...  
  
Kile reads the cards  
  
Kile: How is your current relationship with your father?  
  
Tidus: Good, good. If he would just STOP going into detail how he and my mother's sex life was!  
  
Kile: That's enough to lose sleep...for a few decades...Uh, also, How are the chicks in the Farplane?  
  
Tidus: I never really notice them, I'm usually thinking about Yuna, Hahhh.....You should ask Dad or Auron.  
  
Kile: Well, it was nice talking to you...not really but I have to say that...Now onto the next guest.  
  
Tidus moves down a seat  
  
*Please welcome the NEW Jack from Harvest Moon: Save the Homeland*  
  
Jack sits down  
  
Kile: Great having you here, Jack.  
  
Jack moves his hands around  
  
Kile: Uh-huh....This guy's as bad as Serge...  
  
Kid walks out with three cups of coffee and gives one to each of them  
  
Kile: Thanks, Kid...  
  
Kid goes back behind the curtain  
  
Kile: Serge?  
  
Serge walks out from behind the curtain  
  
Kile: Who's your favorite girl from HM: STH?  
  
Serge moves his hands around and then goes back behind the curtain  
  
Kile: See what I mean? ....Did he say Lyla? Anyhow, Jack, which is YOUR favorite girl from HM: STH?  
  
Jack moves his hands around  
  
Kile: The scary part is I think I understood him...Gwen?  
  
Jack nods  
  
Kile takes a sip of his coffee  
  
Kile: You do why Kid brought out coffee, right?  
  
Everyone but Jack: No.  
  
Jack moves his hands around  
  
Kile: 'Cause we're gonna be here aaalll night if we have another guest like this...  
  
Jack: Up yours!  
  
Kile: ...BLOODY HELL???!!! If you could talk, why didn't you???!!  
  
Jack: I'm supposed to be the strong, silent type!  
  
Kile: .....That counted as the other question. NEXT GUEST!  
  
Jack and Tidus move down a seat  
  
Kile: Please don't be mute, please don't be mute, PLEASE don't be mute...  
  
*Please welcome our third and final guest: Sasami from Tenchi Muyo!!*  
  
Sasami sits down next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: ....Kid, can you get Sasami something to drink...?  
  
Kid: Sure, what ya want, little girl?  
  
Kile starts to drink his coffee  
  
Sasami: Sake.  
  
Kile spits out his coffee over the desk  
  
Kid: Sure, what the hell...  
  
Kid goes and gets sake for Sasami  
  
Sasami drinks half of the bottle  
  
Voice in Audience: GO SASAMI!!!  
  
Kile: I thought he was gone!!  
  
Voice in Audience: I went to get something to eat! It's hard eat here though...everytime you speak it makes me want to vomit! You don't want to know what looking at you makes me want to do!  
  
Sasami: What? Masturbate?  
  
Kile: .....Heheh.....  
  
Voice in Audience: ....Grrr....  
  
Kile: Anyway, Sasami, how're you since Tenchi Forever?  
  
Sasami: Heartbroken....Tenchi chose Ryoko....why didn't he choose me?  
  
Kile: Maybe he figured you were too young....he may've if you we're a few years older...about 10 years older.  
  
Sasami: What's the difference?!  
  
Sasami jumps up and adult toys fall from her clothes  
  
Sasami: Oh, my GOD!!  
  
Kile: ....I may need sake after seeing this.  
  
Voice in Audience: Hey, Sasami, let's see ya use one!  
  
Sasami picks one up and throws it at him  
  
Gong sound  
  
Kile leans over his desk and puts a lit cigar in her mouth  
  
Kile: A winner everytime!  
  
Sasami: KOFF-KOFF!!!!  
  
Sasami gives it back to Kile and sits down  
  
Kile: Ohh, can't stand cigars...  
  
Kile takes a puff  
  
Kile: KOFF-KOFF-KOFF-KOFF-KOFFFFF!!!!!!  
  
Kile sets it down and opens it up  
  
Kile: No wonder...it was filled with opium, it's from the studio next door that's shooting a Sherlock Holmes movie.  
  
animemaster: Amazing deduction, Dumblock.  
  
Kile: Well, Dr. Whatsit, I also deduce that I will ask another question to Sasami. Sasami?  
  
Sasami is putting her adult toys back in her clothes  
  
Sasami: Yes?  
  
Kile: ........Did you have fun here?  
  
Sasami: YEAH!  
  
Kile: Great! If you will excuse me...I am gonna find that guy you hit earlier and make him uglier than his momma did....and you did after that toss.  
  
Sasami: Bring me back my..err..toy, too.  
  
Kile walks off into the audience  
  
Kile finds her "toy" and the person she hit with it unconcious  
  
Kile: Good grief...  
  
animemaster: What is it, Charlie Brown?  
  
Kile picks the guy she knocked out and her toy and throws it to her, she puts it in her clothes  
  
Kile: It was Tenchi!  
  
Sasami runs up to him  
  
Sasami: I'm so sorry!  
  
Tenchi: Huh? What? I remember now!  
  
Tenchi sits down and puts Sasami over his knee and begins punishing her by spanking her  
  
Sasami: YES, OHHH, YES!!!!!!  
  
Kile: I'm afraid--  
  
animemaster: We're ALL afraid.  
  
Kile: I'm afraid that we're outta time.  
  
ALL: SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!!!  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
STAFF ROOM  
  
Kile: THAT was the WEIRDEST interview we've had...  
  
Ragnarock: I know...I'll get better guests for the next one.  
  
Kile: I hope so...  
  
animemaster: I just hope we get good reviews!  
  
sword master: Yeah...  
  
Kile: ........Who wants sake!!??  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
THE END  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	4. NeoNazi Overtake

_______________________________________________________________________  
Interviews  
By:  
Kile Terro  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
*Welcome to the Spirit Show with Kile Terro!*  
  
Kile is sitting behind his desk as usual  
  
Kile: Welcome!   
  
animemaster walks out from behind the curtain  
  
animemaster: K.T.?  
  
Kile: What?  
  
animemaster: There are, uh...  
  
animemaster looks over is shoulder  
  
animemaster: "people" here to see you...  
  
Kile: Send 'em in.  
  
animemaster: Oookay....  
  
A group of people with firearms and other assorted weapons  
  
Tall guy: (German language)  
  
Kile: ......  
  
Kile talks into his intercom located at the corner of his desk  
  
Kile: Serge, we got a problem...  
  
Serge comes in  
  
Serge: ......  
  
A shorter guy points one of the assorted weapons at Serge and fires, Serge is then encased in a large crystal  
  
Kile: ...For a limited time only, you can purchase one of these handy-dandy crystal guns; only 19.95!  
  
Sparkly smile  
  
Tall guy talks to a normal sized guy in their language, who then walks over to Kile  
  
Normal guy: You-are-American, no?  
  
Kile: No. Alien. A Djala, technically.  
  
Normal guy: QUIET!!! I-am-Ivan. We-are-the-Neo-Nazis--  
  
Kile: Crikey...  
  
Ivan: We-have-taken-over-your-PUNY-talk-show.  
  
Kile: I am gonna have a SERIOUS talk with Ragnarock when this is over, I thought the last guests were terrible....these guys are worse.  
  
Ivan: Siddown-and-go-about-your-NORMAL-business...Sieg heil!  
  
He does a Nazi salute  
  
Kile: .....  
  
*Please welcome our first guest: Heero Yuy from Gundam Wing!*  
  
Kile: Thank God! With Heero here these Neo-Nazis don't stand a chance!  
  
Heero Yuy sits down next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: Great to see you, Heero!  
  
Heero: Look, I told you all, I'm straight.  
  
Kile: ....Ugh, the reason I'm glad to see you is them!  
  
Kile points to the Neo-Nazis  
  
Heero: .....Hmm.....  
  
Heero looks into the eyes of Ivan hoping to create fear within him  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
BACKSTAGE  
  
animemaster: Kid, I need you to do me a favor.  
  
Kid: I'm not 'avin' sex widcha.  
  
animemaster: ......It's not that. With those Nazis around, if any of us go anywhere they'll get suspicious, but they haven't seen YOU yet. I need you to go into the basement and find the circuit breakers, turn off the lights, but give a warning first, and while the Neo-Nazis are busy, we'll kick their communist asses!  
  
Kid: Sounds good ta me!  
  
Kid walks toward the basement  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
SET  
  
Kile: Yo, Heero? You gonna stop looking at him sometime soon?  
  
Heero: Mind games have no effect on him...  
  
Ivan: Yes, I-know!  
  
Heero: Ahh, ask the questions...  
  
Kile: Very well, what is your relationship with Relina?  
  
Heero: She is like the Duracell battery--  
  
Kile: Doesn't stop?  
  
Heero: No--  
  
Kile: Has a copper top?  
  
Heero: No, she won't die!  
  
Kile: ......Oookay....what is your real name?  
  
Heero: ........It's....it's....I DON'T KNOW!!!!  
  
Heero Yuy breaks down in tears  
  
Kile: This fic gets weirder, and weirder, and weirder!  
  
Heero (Tearfully): I received a blow to the head during one of the tests for the original Wing Gundam and adapted my code name as my true...I can't remember my real name.....  
  
Heero continues crying  
  
Ivan: You-put-up-with-this-every...day?  
  
Kile: Every day.  
  
Ivan: You-have-my-pity.  
  
Kile: Yeah, thanks....yeah, right.  
  
*Please welcome our next guest, Armitage from Armitage!*  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
BASEMENT  
  
Kid: Mebbe I shoulda asked him how far down the basement went...  
  
Kid finds numerous boxes and looks inside  
  
Kid: What the--?  
  
Kid uncovered a box full of hentai  
  
Another was filled with normal anime, another video games, and another with RPGMaker 2000 Stuff and a picture of Don Miguel (Main translater) with Cait Sith's cat body which reads "Please borrow some Pepsi Light to Don and his cat" with the EBAY logo underneath it  
  
Kid: Freaky.  
  
Kid continues down the stairs  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
SET  
  
Armitage smoothes out her clothes; they look like they were just put on  
  
Kile: WOW!! Armitage, that was amazing! I didn't think you would strip for 50 Kaiko!  
  
Ivan: Kile! You-are-lucky-man! Sieg heil!  
  
He does a Nazi salute  
  
animemaster: (drools)Armitaaaage......  
  
Kile: .....Odd....  
  
Kile: Anyway, for your next question (First was if she'd strip for 50 Kaiko, apparently), are you as mad as I am about SciFi Channel getting rid of the anime? It needs to be returned!  
  
Armitage: Yeah! But one person can't do it alone!  
  
Kile: You're right, please, people reviewing, say you'll help us in getting the anime back! All we have to do is flood them with e-mails--wait, maybe this will help:  
  
MESSAGE: !!!!kcab emina eht gnitteg tuoba sliam-e htiw lennahc ifics doolF  
  
Kile: Heheh, backwards message....Tell Kile sent ya!  
  
Armitage: .....  
  
*Please welcome our final guest, Squall Leonhart from Final Fantasy VIII!*  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
BASEMENT  
  
Kid: Down 'nother floor...a few boxes filled with mangas, nuttin else.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
SET  
  
Kile: Squall! Finally! THIS is my favorite FF hero!  
  
Squall (Happy voice): Hi, Kile, great to be here!  
  
Kile: ....Ahh, damn....  
  
Squall (Happy voice): Ohh, what's the matter?  
  
Kile: I forgot, Squall was cool at the beginning then he became a wimp...  
  
Squall (Happy voice): I'm not a wimp, pal. Meeting Rinoa was the best thing that happened in my life!  
  
Squalls cell-phone rings  
  
Squall answers it  
  
Squall (Happy voice): Hello?   
  
Rinoa (ON CELL-PHONE): Um, Squall?  
  
Squall (Happy voice): Yeah, hon?  
  
Rinoa (ON CELL-PHONE): I think we should break up....  
  
Rinoa hangs up  
  
Squall: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!   
  
Squall breaks down into tears  
  
Kile: God! How many times today am I gonna have to watch grown men cry?  
  
Squall's crying increases  
  
Kile get out of his seat and walks over to Squall  
  
Kile: Pull yourself together, man!  
  
Kile slaps him  
  
Squall (Normal voice): Thanks...thanks, I needed...that.  
  
Kile sits down  
  
Squall: I'm sorry for scaring you...and you Neo-Nazis.  
  
Ivan: You-are-forgiven. Sieg heil!  
  
He does a Nazi salute  
  
Kile: Yeah, yeah, yeah...  
  
LIGHTS GO OUT  
  
Kile: WHOO-HOO!  
  
LIGHTS COME BACK ON  
  
Kile: Shit!  
  
The tall guy is carrying Kid out of the basement  
  
Ivan: Sieg heil!  
  
Kile: You mind stopping that?  
  
Ivan: Yo'-mama.  
  
Kile snaps  
  
animemaster: Uh-oh...  
  
Ragnarock: What?  
  
animemaster: his right arm is twitching, his eyes are dialating *gulp*, get down!  
  
Kile: You can take over my show, harass me and my co-workers, but don't--I mean DON'T talk about my mama!!!!  
  
Kile runs over to and beats the crap out of Ivan and his henchmen  
  
animemaster: ...Ouch...that HAD to hurt.  
  
Ivan: Hahh, hahh, you-should-not-done-that.  
  
Ivan looks up  
  
Ivan: Great-Hitler--!  
  
Kile: Hitler's the other way...  
  
Ivan: Oh, yeah, I-forget..  
  
Ivan looks toward Hell (down)  
  
Ivan: Great-Hitler!! Smite-him!  
  
FEW MINUTES PASS  
  
Kile sits down in his seat  
  
Kile: HAH! Didn't work.  
  
Kile falls out of his seat like he was hit  
  
Kile: WHAT THE--?!  
  
Another unseen punch  
  
Kile: DAMN!  
  
animemaster: Cut the lights  
  
Ragnarock hits the light switch  
  
There is an glow  
  
Kile: What the duece?  
  
Ivan: Sieg heil! The-Great-Hitler!  
  
Kile: Augh....  
  
Kile walks over to the glow and they begin to fight  
  
HOURS LATER  
  
BAR  
  
Kile (Inebriated): Yo, barkeep, don't turn on dat light, or m' pal'll disappears *HIC*!  
  
Hitler: More Vodka?  
  
Kile (Inebriated): Suuuuuuuure, man, order anoth..anoth...another vod-vod-vod....ahhh, screw it, just order more...  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
STAFF ROOM  
  
Kile: .....This is DEFINITELY our weirdest fic.  
  
animemaster: Yeah.  
  
Ragnarock: Weird.  
  
sword master: Heheh, Neo-Nazis, Hahahah....  
  
Kile: Hahh, look we don't endorse Nazism or Hitler's beliefs...this was a plot I came up with when I was trying to fall asleep after watching VH1's Neo-Nazi, White Pride, behind the music. Dammit, where did "Mein Kampf" come from?  
  
Mein Kampf is lying on Kile's desk  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
END  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	5. Bin Laden Bin Gonen

_______________________________________________________________________  
Interviews  
By:  
Kile Terro  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
*Welcome to the Spirit Show with...err...animemaster!*  
  
animemaster is sitting in Kile's usual place  
  
animemaster: Welcome, Kile isn't here today, he's sick, so I'm hosting today. Damn, this chair is comfy! .......What would Kile usually do now?  
  
Ragnarock: Try bringing out the guests, dumbass!  
  
animemaster: Of course! sword master?  
  
*Please welcome our first guest Ramza from Final Fantasy Tactics!*  
  
Ramza walks out  
  
Bin Laden falls from the sky and crashes through the roof  
  
He looks like the Madblast.com "No Where to Run No Where to Hide" Osama, South Park looking, and has the Saddam Hussein voice like in South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut.  
  
Bin Laden: Heeeey, animemaster!  
  
animemaster talks into the intercom  
  
animemaster: Serge? Time to collect that Bin Laden bounty!  
  
Bin Laden: Ooh?  
  
Serge walks out almost instantaneously armed to the teeth and hands animemaster and baseball bat and energy gun and walks back backstage  
  
animemaster: Allow me to introduce you to America's favorite pasttime--!  
  
Bin Laden: F%#&*&^ around with Kile Terro?  
  
animemaster: Besides that! BASEBALL!!!!!  
  
animemaster tries to hit him with the baseball bat  
  
Bin Laden dodges each one by doing a cartwheel flip from left and right (He doesn't touch the ground until he lands)  
  
Bin Laden: Good-bye!  
  
Bin Laden jumps back into the sky  
  
animemaster sits back down  
  
animemaster: Anyway, you wanna help, Ramza?!  
  
Ramza: YEAH!  
  
animemaster: Ya wannan energy gun?!  
  
Ramza: YEAH!  
  
animemaster: Too bad, traitor...You were a traitor to your people right?   
  
Ramza: Grr...  
  
animemaster: That counted as the the questions--NEXT GUEST!!  
  
*Please welcome Majin Buu from DragonBall Z!*  
  
Majin Buu sits down  
  
Majin Buu: ME EAT YOU!  
  
animemaster: Good idea!  
  
Majin Buu: ???  
  
animemaster: ME eat YOU!!  
  
Majin Buu: Noooo!!!  
  
animemaster: (In Majin Buu voice) What you taste like? Chocolate, jelly, marshmallow, or like math homework?  
  
Majin Buu: Math homework?  
  
animemaster: Okay, I should have no problem eating you--I mean--interviewing you......  
  
Bin Laden falls back down  
  
animemaster: What the hell???!!  
  
animemaster shoots at him with the energy gun but he dodges it the same way he did before  
  
Bin Laden: ~Whooooaaa....~ Whadya do that for ya $#$)^#)%^(*ing @%*^$!!!!???  
  
animemaster: That's one weird language...  
  
Bin Laden jumps back into the sky  
  
Majin Buu: He look like he taste like camel hair.  
  
animemaster: Yeah. You hungry?  
  
Majin Buu: YEAH!  
  
animemaster: Too bad!  
  
*Please welcome our last guest, Raye from Sailor Moon!*  
  
animemaster: I feel sorry for Kile, this is his favorite chick from Sailor Moon...  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
IN THE THE ANNOUNCER'S ROOM  
  
^Ring-ring^  
  
sword master picks up the receiver  
  
Kile: (whispering)Shhhhh....Kid..we're supposed to be sick.  
  
Kid: Mmmmm.....  
  
sword master: Kile???  
  
Kile: EEK!! (Nasal) Yeah?  
  
sword master: What do ya want?  
  
Kile (Nasal): Ta see haw things 're going...  
  
sword master: Fine, fine, Osama keeps dropping in, literally, but Serge and animemaster are taking care of him, animemaster has called Ramza a traitor--  
  
Kile (Nasal): Isant he?  
  
sword master: Hahh, and he just...tried...to...literally EAT Majin Buu.  
  
(FROM THE SET)  
  
animemaster: Me want math homeworky taste!  
  
Majin Buu: NOOO, me want boot, me boot head!  
  
(BACK IN THE ROOM)  
  
sword master: OH, MY GOD!!!!!! HE JUST ATE MAJIN BUU!!!   
  
Kile (Nasal): Damn....  
  
sword master: It's not a pretty sight...but that is!  
  
Kile (Nasal): What?  
  
(FROM THE SET)  
  
Raye: I hope you were watching the show, Kile, I took it all off, but the censors just made me put it all back on...^Giggle^  
  
Kile: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(ON KILE'S END OF THE PHONE LINE)  
  
Kid: I wan' moooore, Kile!  
  
sword master: Aren't you supposed to be sick?  
  
Kile: I am.  
  
sword master: Yeah, in the head.  
  
sword master hangs up  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
ON THE SET  
  
animemaster: Well, let's get to work. Raye, what do you like to eat?  
  
Raye: Sushi, rice, usual stuff.  
  
animemaster: Have you ever had any problems wearing that skirt?  
  
Raye: Yes, I have, Darien has tried to rape me and every other Sailor Scout or Soldier, whatever we are.  
  
animemaster: What about Reeny? HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!  
  
Raye: The most. He likes young girls.  
  
^Tenchi Muyo yell and bricks clacking^  
  
Bin Laden drops back in  
  
animemaster: NOW, SERGE!!!!  
  
animemaster jumps backstage  
  
Bin Laden: Wha--??  
  
animemaster speeds out from behind the curtain on a torpedo  
  
animemaster: Yeah-hah!  
  
He hits Bin Laden  
  
There is a huge explosion and after the smoke clears...which takes 15 minutes, they are nowhere in sight  
  
Ragnarock and sword master run out to the remains--which is nothing--of the set  
  
sword master: Poor animemaster...  
  
Ragnarock: Yeah....Y'know, I think I'll let him keep that dollar he owes me.  
  
animemaster falls back down on top of Ragnarock  
  
Ragnarock: Forget what I said about that dollar!  
  
animemaster: I lost my lunch up there...  
  
Majin Buu falls on sword master  
  
Ragnarock: And I thought I got hurt more...  
  
sword master: AAAARRRRGGHHH!!!!!!!  
  
animemaster: There's my lunch!  
  
Ramza falls down with Bin Laden's head  
  
Ramza: Traitor, Huh??!! Here's you bounty head, literally!  
  
Majin Buu: How many time today do Buu have hear word "LITERALLY!!!???"   
  
The set falls back down undamaged  
  
swordmaster: How did...  
  
Ragnarock: ...the set...  
  
Ramza: ...survive the...  
  
Majin Buu: ...explosion the...  
  
animemaster: ...torpedo created?  
  
Bin Laden's head: Never look a gift horse in the foot.  
  
ALL: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!  
  
animemaster: Ahh, that Osama....hey, wait a minute that isn't funny, he's a severed head...  
  
ALL: Uh-oh....  
  
Ragnarock: Wait, where is Raye?  
  
AT KILE'S REFUGE  
  
Kile: Being sick is heaven....and I'm dead, I can't get sick, I can't beleive they fell for it!  
  
Kile gets back under his covers and continues doing Kid and Raye  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
STAFF ROOM  
  
animemaster: At least I hosted for once...  
  
Ragnarock: Kile wasn't here, yet he succeeded in having the most fun...  
  
sword master: Scary, isn't it?  
  
Bin Laden's head: Yeah--oops!  
  
animemaster: What the hell is Bin Laden's severed head doing in here???!!!  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
END  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	6. Intern

_______________________________________________________________________  
Interviews  
by:  
Kile Terro  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
*Welcome to the Spirt Show with Kile Terro!*  
  
Kile is sitting in his usual place  
  
Kile: Welcome! Today is the day we get our new intern, Gokuu, my nephew, look, if there's anyone at Fanfiction.net named Gokuu, IT'S NOT YOU!!!! ......Unless you are my real-life nephew.  
  
animemaster: Is this going anywhere?  
  
ragnarock: Yeah, straight to Hell...  
  
Kile's 11-year-old black haired nephew Gokuu walks out onstage  
  
Gokuu: Hey, Uncle--  
  
Kile: Don't say my real name, for the love of GOD!!!!!  
  
Gokuu: .....Okay....What should I do?  
  
Kile: Um....There's paper work.  
  
animemaster walks over to Gokuu with a huge stack of paper  
  
animemaster: Actually, BACK-paper work, we haven't done any of it since our show began!  
  
Sweat drop forms over Gokuu's head  
  
Gokuu goes to Kile's Ready Room to work  
  
Kile: Moving along, let's get our first damn guest out!  
  
*Please welcome our first guest, Spike from Cowboy Bebop!*  
  
Spike sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: Welcome, Spike.  
  
Spike: Great being here.  
  
Kile: Okay, Just how DID you lose that eye?  
  
Spike: I was doing Julia, when she became lost in animal instinct and scratched my eye out, licked at it and called it a third ball....  
  
Kile: Well, doesn't THAT get your mojo working, huh?! HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Spike: Ugh...  
  
Kile: Who is the sexiest girl on the Bebop in your opinion?  
  
Spike: Edward.  
  
Kile: .....Huh?  
  
Spike: Edward, she may be only 13 but she's pretty good...  
  
Kile: I need a smoke....  
  
Spike: What's with you, you're a little pale.  
  
Kile: Ugh...You enjoy molesting children?  
  
Spike: I don't ENJOY it...I'm good at it. Wait, on second thought, I DO like it!  
  
Kile: s-sword master, who's our next guest?  
  
*Well, I believe it's Kefka from Final Fantasy III/VI!*  
  
Gokuu comes out from backstage  
  
Gokuu: Uncle...Kile...what the heck is a Hentai paysite?  
  
Kile: Uhh....Umm....N-nothing...Uh, Ma, if you're reading, it's a, uh, Presidential Candidate class--Uh--Four score and seven years ago, I didn't give a damn and searched for this....Uh...We hold this hentai to be self evident....Uh--Of this great nation by the people, for the people, and against the people!!!  
  
Gokuu: Isn't hentai--?  
  
Kile: No--get out now and get back to work!  
  
Kefka sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kefka: UWEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kile: When I was eaten by Leviathan in the fighting Room at Ryojen Maxwell's website for the first time, Kefka and I were playing chess in its belly.  
  
Kefka: And I won!!!  
  
Kile: You tricked me anyhow...Rooks can jump Queens....?? Anyhow,What are your feelings toward FFIII/VI?  
  
Kefka: At first it was cool, but when the World of Ruin started, the game was a little lame.  
  
Kile: Anything you want to tell the people who like the game?  
  
Kefka: Yes, when Celes wakes up and Cid says he's sick and hungry and that he wants fish, catch him 10 damnass fresh-ass fish, quickly, or his ass will die!  
  
Kile: That's alotta ass. Who's our next victim?  
  
*Yuseke Uremeshi from Yu Yu Hakusho!*  
  
Gokuu walks out  
  
Gokuu: I think you may want to see this...  
  
Kile: Not now!  
  
Gokuu: But..  
  
Kile: Take it to animemaster, okay?!  
  
Gokuu: Okay...  
  
Gokuu: Walks off towards animemaster  
  
Yuseke sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: Grr.....(Funimation spoofed my Spirit World idea, and HE'S going along with it all!!)  
  
Yuseke: Huh?  
  
Kile: Um...What are your feelings about Kayko, you ass-licking, boot-sucking Mama's boy???  
  
Yuseke: Grr.....She is TOO difficult to rape! Everytime I try, she slaps me, and I'm only able to get her panties halfway off!!  
  
Kile: ....Do you guys think your funny, spoofin' all my ideas!!??  
  
Yuseke: You looking for a fight??!!  
  
Kile: No, I just found one!  
  
It goes into a crappy graphic Street Fighter fight  
  
Yuseke is shooting Kile with his finger  
  
Kile: Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh!!!!  
  
It shows it is only on TV, it is a video game that Kile is playing as Yuseke and Yuseke as Kile  
  
Yuseke: Damn, my controller isn't working!!!  
  
Kile: Too bad!!  
  
Yuseke shoots it with his finger  
  
THAT was all a video game that animemaster and ragnarock were playing  
  
They laugh and continue causing Kile and Yuseke to fight  
  
THAT'S all just a video game that sword master and Gokuu were playing  
  
sword master: HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!  
  
Gokuu: HEHEHEHEHEH!!!!!!!!! ...Wait, how're we gonna get them outta there?  
  
And THAT was all just a text document that Kile's writing...  
  
Kile: Pretty damn confusing, isn't it?  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
STAFF ROOM  
  
Kile: What was that thing anyway?  
  
swordmaster: What thing?  
  
ragnarock: You mean what your nephew gave animemaster?  
  
Kile: Yeah.  
  
Gokuu: I didn't know what it was so I gave it to animemaster.  
  
animemaster: Ugh....  
  
Two cops walk in and cuff Kile  
  
Cop 1: Kile Ragnalok Terro, you are under arrest, you have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.  
  
Cop 2: I just hope they execute you...permanently.  
  
Kile: ......Eh, I've had a good run.  
  
They leave  
  
ragnarock: Why is he being arrested?  
  
Gokuu: It said something about "Failure to post disclaimer that he is not the owner of the video game/anime characters within."  
  
animemaster: .....Well, this is new.  
  
ragnarock: Yeah...This is cool!  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
THE END  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	7. Jailed

_______________________________________________________________________  
Interviews  
by:  
Kile Terro  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
*Welcome to the Spirit Show with animemaster*  
  
animemaster is sitting in Kile's spot  
  
animemaster: Welcome, everyone, as you all know, Kile was arrested for the failure to put disclaimers on his stories...But do not worry! His nephew, Gokuu, has gone for help to get Kile outta jail! From what I understand, this person is a very formidable dude.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
KILE'S HOME ON EARTH  
  
There is a small red haired cat with spiky red hair on its head with three downward spikes, this is Mac, of course  
  
Mac: Okay, now, WHY do you need my help?  
  
Gokuu: Kile's been arrested...  
  
Mac: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Haah...hah...ha..Ah, let's go.  
  
Mac hops atop Gokuu's shoulder and they head for the place of Kile's imprisonment  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
BACK AT THE SET  
  
animemaster: I wonder who it could be...  
  
ragnarock: You're as bad as Kile! Bring out the damned guests!!  
  
animemaster: Okay, then. sword master?  
  
*The first victim, err...., guest is Cecil from Final Fantasy II/IV!*  
  
Cecil sits next to animemaster's desk  
  
animemaster: So, Cecil...How does it feel to be one of the first RPG Heroes for the SNES?  
  
Cecil: Great, if all the damn punks out there weren't so into Tidus and Zidane and all the new fangled heroes they have now! In my day--  
  
animemaster: Here it comes...  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
AT THE JAIL  
  
Kile is sitting in a corner in a small cell  
  
Kile (singing): I-I-I-I wish you were here....  
  
Guard A: That dumbass has finally snapped...  
  
Guard B: What are you talking about? He was like that when he first got in here!  
  
Kile: Hello?  
  
Kile looks around with a blank expression  
  
Kile: I hear a cat stomping around!! SCAT!!!!  
  
Kile punches a hole in the wall  
  
Kile: Hey, could I get a new cell...I feel a draft.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
BASK AT THE SET  
  
animemaster: Thank you Cecil for telling us all about the war against you, your brother, and the galaxy...FIFTY TIMES!!! You just kept reapeating: "About the war against me, my brother, and the galaxy...(Inhales) I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won!!" AND I SHORTENED IT!!!  
  
Cecil: .......I did win.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
WITH GOKUU AND MAC  
  
Gokuu: Sir?  
  
FBI agent: Yeah, kid?  
  
Gokuu: Would you kindly free my uncle Kile?  
  
FBI agent: Are you daft, punk?  
  
Gokuu: No, I am not Daft Punk.  
  
FBI agent: No, no, daft, punk! Are you daft!?  
  
Gokuu: I'm telling you, I'm not Daft Punk!  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
BACK AT THE SET  
  
*Please welcome our next guest Tenchi Masaki from Tenchi Muyo!!*  
  
Tenchi sits next to animemaster's desk  
  
animemaster: We haven't seen you since the Sasami incident.  
  
Tenchi: Yeah, yeah, where are the babes?  
  
animemaster: Huh?  
  
Tenchi: Look, I downed half a gallon of viagra, and I would appreciate it if I could f%*% a chick before it explodes!  
  
animemaster: I'm afraid to ask what would explode...  
  
Tenchi: My cock.  
  
animemaster: ARGH!!!  
  
Tenchi: See?  
  
Tenchi holds up a rooster   
  
animemaster: ....  
  
The rooster blows up  
  
Tenchi: Uh, oh....Oh, well, what were you going to ask me?  
  
animemaster: Ahh, Who do you like best in the Masaki household?  
  
Tenchi: Washu!!  
  
animemaster: You are as sick as Kile....Why Washu?  
  
Tenchi: She has brains, looks, and the appearence of a child!  
  
animemaster throws down the papers on the desk  
  
animemaster: I QUIT!!!  
  
animemaster gets up  
  
ragnarock: You can't quit!  
  
animemaster: And why not?  
  
ragnarock: ....I'll give you a dollar.  
  
animemaster: Ahh, what the hell? It's more than Kile makes...  
  
animemaster sits back down  
  
animemaster: What was the first thing that came into your head when you saw Ryoko in her mummy form?  
  
Tenchi: A song.  
  
animemaster: What song, why not sing it?! How about we all screw around with Kile's show??!! HUH??!!  
  
Tenchi: ....Okay. (Singing) Funky Tut, born in Arizona, moved to Babylonia, King Tut--  
  
animemaster: I wasn't being serious!  
  
Tenchi: ............Oh.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
WITH GOKUU AND MAC  
  
Gokuu: I KEEP TELLING YOU I...AM...NOT...DAFT PUNK!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mac: Augh......Screw this.  
  
Mac jumps at the FBI agent and scratches him until he passes out  
  
Mac: Let's roll...  
  
Mac hops aboard Gokuu's shoulder and they go inside the building the FBI agent was standing in front of, it's sign says "Secret Jail for Criminally Insane Dumbasses"  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
BACK AT THE SET  
  
*Here's our last guest Kiro from Card Captor Sakura! ...How the hell did he get into the guestbook?*  
  
Kiro sits next to animemaster's desk  
  
animemaster: Um, Kiro, your gonna haveta sit ON the desk, I can't see you.  
  
Kiro sits on the desk  
  
animemaster: Sooo...Do you think Sakura is doing a good job?  
  
Kiro: Of trying to get herself f%(^ed up? Yeah. Being a good Card Captor? No. I could carve better Card Captors out of an orange!  
  
animemaster: Tasty. What is with your addiction to video games?  
  
Kiro: I wouldn't be making fun of people who are addicted to video games...this is what this fic is based on!!!  
  
animemaster: Good point.  
  
Kiro: Damn straight.  
  
animemaster: Do you want to do the honors of saying good night to the readers?  
  
Kiro: Not really, but okay..Good night, Tokyo!  
  
animemaster: Um, we're not in Tokyo...  
  
Kiro: ....Um.....uh...--Yes, we are--  
  
Kiro quickly puts on a Japanese Kimono and sings in fake Japanese  
  
Kiro: Hee no wii chi dumbass KT....  
  
animemaster: .....God help us all...Oh, Kile? Where are you?..........  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
STAFF ROOM  
  
animemaster: Where, oh, where has our little Kile gone?  
  
ragnarock: This is hell without KT...I sure hope that Gokuu finds him soon.  
  
sword master: Same here...Hey, I just thought of something.  
  
ragnarock: I thought I smelt smoke.  
  
sword master: How are we doing this show AND writing our own fics?  
  
animemaster: Simple logic.  
  
sword master: What?  
  
ragnarock: Yeah, I'd like to know, too.  
  
animemaster: This is all bullshit.  
  
ragnarock: Eh...It's the American way!  
  
sword master: Wait, I thought that was Kile's catchphrase.  
  
ragnarock: ........Um.....--No.-- _________________________________________________________________________________________________  
THE END  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	8. Jailed 02

_______________________________________________________________________  
Interviews  
by:  
Kile Terro  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
*Welcome to the Spirit Show with animemaster!...again...*  
  
animemaster is sitting at Kile's desk  
  
animemaster: Welcome! Gokuu and Mac are still looking for Kile; Kid is back from vacation and so is Serge. And we have guests to interview so let's bring them out!  
  
*Please welcome our first guest, Zero from Pilot Candidate!*  
  
animemaster: ....  
  
Zero sits down next to animemaster's desk  
  
Zero: Hey!  
  
animemaster: ...Uh, yeah...Anyway, why do you sound and look like Tai Kamiya?  
  
Zero: ....My lawyer says I should not answer that.  
  
animemaster: .......Uh...huh.  
  
Zero: Any other questions?  
  
animemaster: I think....Oh, um, how did you get those powers?  
  
Zero: I got high one too many times.  
  
Bin Laden drops in  
  
animemaster: What the hell?! We killed you!  
  
Sadaam Hussein voice from South Park: Bigger, and Longer, and Uncut and has body like the Osama from MadBlast.com  
  
Bin Laden : I was resurrected, Heeheeheeheeheeheeheehee!  
  
Zero: I thought Kile was the only person who could do that...  
  
animemaster: Someone must have brought him back with the DNA in his head...  
  
Bin Laden: Now, to kill.  
  
animemaster: WHAT!?  
  
Bin Laden: This place is set to explode in half an hour! Ta-ta, I will return every now and then to see how you are faring!  
  
Bin Laden jumps back through the ceiling  
  
Zero: You bastards! You're gonna get me killed!  
  
animemaster: Shut up.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
WITH GOKUU AND MAC  
  
They are waking through a corridor in the jail  
  
Gokuu: This is strangely quiet...  
  
A prisoner jumps in front of him from out fo nowhere  
  
Prisoner: Yu da new guy?  
  
Gokuu: No, we are questing for my uncle.  
  
Prisoner: Mebbe I can help you, I know everyone in dis place!  
  
Gokuu: You know Kile Terro?  
  
Prisoner: Ah, prisoner number 91366, yep.  
  
Gokuu: Take me to him!  
  
Prisoner: On one condition.  
  
Gokuu: What?  
  
Prisoner: I want some hentai!  
  
Gokuu: .....Talk to Kile about that.  
  
Prisoner: Okay.  
  
They leave for Kile  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
BACK AT THE SET  
  
animemaster: Who's next?  
  
*The next guest is Tetsuro Hoshino from Galaxy Express 999!*  
  
Tetsuro sits next to animemaster's desk  
  
animemaster: Welcome Tetsuro!  
  
Tetsuro: None of you are machines, are you?  
  
animemaster: No. Anyway, here is are all-time most asked question, what are your feelings toward...Maetel?  
  
Tetsuro: Hahh.....it's sad, I want her (Drools) (Goes back to normal) but she has my mother's body, it's driving me crazy!  
  
Kid peeks from behind the curtain  
  
Kid: It's just a copy, it's not really her.  
  
Tetsuro: Hey, yeah! Alright! I can f&*% her without feeling like a motherf*&%er!  
  
ragnarock: I bet he feels proud of himself.  
  
animemaster: ....If you had the choice again, would you become a machine?  
  
Tetsuro: Are you kidding? I couldn't f^%$ Maetel then!  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
WITH KILE IN THE PRISON CAFETERIA  
  
Kile: Sad to say, but...the food is better here than at the school.  
  
Teenage prisoner: That's why I held up that convenience store!  
  
Kile: You could've brought your lunch, or ate from the vending machines, or snack bar if your school had one.  
  
Teenage prisoner: ......DAMMIT!!!  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
WITH GOKUU AND MAC  
  
Gokuu: So, who are you?  
  
Prisoner: You don't recognize me?  
  
Gokuu: ...No.  
  
Prisoner: It's me!  
  
The prisoner glows and his hair color changes to tan  
  
Prisoner: Queza!  
  
Mac: I should've known.  
  
Queza: Yeah, you should've, now let's go.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
BACK AT THE SET  
  
animemaster: What's this?  
  
There is a detonater on the intercom  
  
animemaster presses the blue button  
  
sword master: Are you nuts!!??  
  
The detonater shuts down  
  
animemaster: We're safe, now.  
  
sword master: ....Oh, well, I'll introduce the next guest.  
  
*Please welcome our final guest, Magus!*  
  
Magus sits next to animemaster's desk  
  
Magus: ....  
  
animemaster: We had you as a child on "Revenge of Interviews."  
  
Magus: Yes, I recall that.  
  
animemaster: So, how are you?  
  
Magus: ......I miss my kitty.  
  
animemaster: You sound like Kile....  
  
Magus: .........  
  
animemaster: ....Uh...huh. Um, do you miss your sister?  
  
Magus: ......I miss my kitty.  
  
animemaster: You said that, already.  
  
Magus: I know...but I miss it!!   
  
Magus breaks down into tears  
  
Bin Laden drops in  
  
animemaster: All this at once...  
  
Bin Laden: I know you destroyed the detonater, so, I will destroy this place right here and now, with this!  
  
Bin Laden holds up a detonater  
  
Bin Laden: When I press this button, all will go BOOM!!!!  
  
animemaster: You'll kill yourself along with us!  
  
Bin Laden: ...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................  
...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................  
................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... ...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................   
...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................  
...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................  
....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Oh, well. Suck on this a while!  
  
Bin Laden brings his finger down to the detonater  
  
animemaster: NO!!!  
  
animemaster grabs Gunnister from under the desk  
  
animemaster: SUCK THIS!!  
  
animemaster fires the extremely powerful Gunnister energy gun, incinerating Bin Laden  
  
animemaster: Whew...  
  
A few hairs are caught by the wind  
  
animemaster: Well, this was a action filled episode...or chapter...or whatever..  
  
ALL: Good night, everybody!  
  
ragnarock: What if it's 10:00 AM where the readers are?  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
STAFF ROOM  
  
animemaster: Gokuu better find Kile.  
  
ragnarock: It's just not the same.  
  
sword master: ..........If he's so kickass powerful why did he not fight back?  
  
ragnarock: Yeah, and how did cops get to the Spirit World?  
  
animemaster: Let's not try to reason this out....just smile and nod.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
THE END  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	9. Jailed 03

_______________________________________________________________________  
Interviews  
by:  
Kile Terro  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
*Welcome to the Spirit Show with animemaster....*  
  
animemaster: .....Hey, everyone....  
  
ragnarock: ....This is depressing...what happened to Kile, think he's still alive?  
  
animemaster: No.  
  
ragnarock: ???!!!  
  
animemaster: He wasn't to begin with.  
  
sword master: We better get to work...  
  
*Please welcome our first guest, Ryu from Breath of Fire 4!*  
  
Ryu sits next to animemaster's desk  
  
animemaster: Hey, Ryu, wassup?  
  
No answer  
  
animemaster: ....Now I know how Kile felt when he had to interview mutes.  
  
Ryu moves his hands around  
  
animemaster: .....Uh...huh...Soooo, uh, What's it like being a dragon?  
  
Ryu moves his arms around  
  
animemaster: ...Hard to be discreet when going into Wal-Mart....? Uhh......Was it cool when you fused with Fou-lu?  
  
Ryu moves his arms around  
  
animemaster: ...Like a thousand and one bags of pot...?  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
With Gokuu, Mac, and Queza  
  
Queza: Behind these doors is the cafeteria...where Kile was last seen.  
  
Gokuu opens the doors  
  
Loud Kid Rock music is playing  
  
Kile is singing the part of Kid Rock while standing on a table  
  
Kile: I'm gonna f%&^ some hos after I rock this place!!!  
  
Queza: He makes an impression wherever he goes.  
  
Mac: KILE!!!  
  
Music ends  
  
Kile: Huh? Mac, what're you doing here?  
  
Mac: We heard there was a party and decided to crash it--WHAT DO YOU THINK WE'RE DOING HERE???!!! TO BUST YOU OUT!!!  
  
Kile: Okay, let's go.   
  
They walk out of the cafeteria  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
BACK AT THE SET  
  
*Please welcome our next guest, X from Mega Man X!  
  
X sits next to animemaster's desk  
  
animemaster: Welcome, X.  
  
X: Great to be here.  
  
animemaster: What's it like being a robot?  
  
X: It's harder than you think, once you press reset we have to start all over again.  
  
animemaster: .......Who do you think is more dangerous Dr. Wily or Sigma?  
  
X: Sigma...he is powered by a Duracell battery.  
  
animemaster: ......  
  
Bin Laden drops in  
  
animemaster: ...........Is Bin Laden perchance triplets?  
  
Bin Laden (You know how he sounds and looks by now from the other two stories...): The good docter keeps bringing me back! I will destroy you ALL!!!  
  
animemaster speaks into the intercom  
  
animemaster: Serge, take care of this guy.  
  
Serge comes out and they begin to battle  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
WITH THE OTHER THREE ON THE FREEWAY  
  
They are driving a stolen getaway car going at 207 MPH  
  
Kile: They just keep coming!!!  
  
They are being followed by cops  
  
Mac is driving  
  
Mac: Flare 'em!!!  
  
Kile opens the sun roof  
  
Kile: RED FLARE-HAH!!!!!!  
  
Kile uses the Red Flare on the cops  
  
Gokuu: That'll slow them down for a while.......Where's Queza?  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
BACK AT THE SET  
  
*Please welcome our last guest, Jim from Outlaw Star!*  
  
Jim sits next to animemaster's desk  
  
animemaster: Welcome, Jim.  
  
Jim: Hi!  
  
animemaster: What is like to be on the good side of a Ctarl-Ctarl?  
  
Jim: Scary...Aisha is a perverted little catgirl...  
  
animemaster: ???  
  
Jim: I am no longer pure...  
  
animemaster: Well, this's scary. Oh, do you realize you killed your girlfriend who had the cats?  
  
Jim: I...I did???!!!  
  
animemaster: That's right, she was that Onten person who was trying to kill you guys.  
  
Jim begins to cry  
  
Kid escorts him offstage  
  
Serge and Bin Laden are still battling  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
WITH THE THREE  
  
A bullet train comes out of nowhere and crushes the cop cars behind them  
  
Mac: We don't have to worry about THEM anymore!  
  
Kile: Good old Queza.  
  
A building is ahead  
  
Kile: Is that the studio where "Interviews" is being taped???!!!  
  
Mac: HOLD ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
IN THE SET  
  
The car crashes through the wall  
  
animemaster: Kile!  
  
Kile: It's great to be back!  
  
Serge is still battling Bin Laden  
  
ragnarock: Do something about Bin Laden!  
  
Kile: Okay. Hey Osama!  
  
Serge runs off  
  
Bin Laden: Huh?   
  
Kile: You hungry?  
  
Bin Laden: Uh-huh.  
  
Kile grabs Gunnister  
  
Kile: THEN EAT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kile fires a #7 energy shell  
  
Bin Laden: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Bin Laden is completely incenerated.....nothing is left  
  
sword master: GO KILE!!!  
  
Kile sits in his usual spot  
  
Kile: Good night, everybody!  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
STAFF ROOM  
  
animemaster: It's great to have you back, Kile!  
  
Kile: It's great to BE back.  
  
ragnarock: Do you think that the cops'll come after you?  
  
Kile: ....I dunno.  
  
sword master: Or if any bounty hunters will be after you?  
  
Kile: Hah, me, a bounty hunter bounty head.  
  
Gokuu: You have mail, Kile.  
  
Kile takes it  
  
animemaster: Who's it from?  
  
Kile: The Department of Unidentified Ideals. Huh, it's the first time I've been happy to receive a DUI...  
  
Gokuu: Ha...ha...very funny.......  
  
Kile: .............(Read-read)......We're off the hook!  
  
animemaster: Great!  
  
Kile: Did I say we were off the hook? I meant we're being cancelled. Get ready for our last show.  
  
ALL: (GASP!)  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
THE END  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	10. Series Finale

_______________________________________________________________________  
Interviews  
by:  
Kile Terro  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
*Welcome to the final installment of Interviews...*  
  
Kile is back in his usual spot  
  
Kile: Hi, everyone...This time we have two new guests and ALL of our other guests from the past interviews. So, uh, we had better get this underway.  
  
*Please welcome past guest, Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy VII!*  
  
Cloud sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: What's up?  
  
Cloud: Nothing.  
  
Kile: what have you been doing since we saw you last?  
  
Cloud: Narcotics.  
  
Kile: .........Um, uh, do you still miss Aeris?  
  
Cloud: No, now I have Tifa and Yuffie.  
  
Kile: ...  
  
Cloud: And I have a son now.  
  
Kile: Really?  
  
Cloud: Yeah, I named him Kile Strife.  
  
Kile: You named him after me?  
  
Cloud: Yeah, he's the runt of the two kids.  
  
Kile: Let's get another guest out here before I kill this guy.  
  
*Please welcome past guest Kuja Tribal from Final Fantasy IX!*  
  
Kuja sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kuja: Wassup, Kile?  
  
Kile: Nothing. Met any nice girls yet?  
  
Kuja: Hahh...No, everytime I walk over to a girl her boyfriend comes out of nowhere looks at her then me and with heart eyes walks over to me.  
  
Kile: That must be hell!  
  
Kuja: Yeah, the only chance I've had so far is K.D. Lang.  
  
Kile: ....Ouch, that's gotta hurt your pride.  
  
Kuja: Yeah.  
  
Kile: How's your brother?  
  
Kuja: He's better off than me...he's got Garnet.  
  
Kile: ...I've got Kid.  
  
Kuja: .....(Sweatdrop)...Either you have female friends?  
  
Kile: Dunno 'bout her but...  
  
Kile pulls out a long, long, LONG list  
  
Kile: Ami, Serena, Lita, Mina, Raye, Reeny--  
  
Kuja: Reeny?  
  
Kile: Leena, Lucca, Luccia, Marle, Ayla, Mihoshi, Ayeka, Ryoko, Kyone, Sasami--  
  
Kuja: Sasami?  
  
Kile (Childlike voice): Lil Washu!!!   
  
Kuja: Lil Washu???  
  
Kid comes out from behind the curtain and hits Kile over the head with a big stick  
  
Kile: OW!  
  
Kid walks back backstage  
  
Kile: ....I wonder if Pyra loaned her that stick?  
  
Kuja: Something I was wanting to tell you.  
  
Kile: What?  
  
Kuja begins to cry and he lies his head on Kile's desk  
  
Kuja (Crying): Don't go, Kile! Dooon't gooo.....WAHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
Kile looks toward ragnarock  
  
Kile: Am I the only one getting deja vu of the last Johnny Carson Tonight Show episode when Johnny was talking with Bob Newhart?  
  
ragnarock: ............  
  
Kile looks at Kuja  
  
Kile: I am sorry, friend, but....uh...I've no choice.  
  
Kuja: I'll cope somehow....  
  
*Please welcome past guest Princess Zelda from The Legend of Zelda!*  
  
Princess Zelda sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: I'm sorry about our first interview, Zelda, about calling you a bisexual.  
  
Zelda: It's alright. I was a little mad at first, but when I got home Link made it aaalll better...tee hee!  
  
Kile: .....Uh...Oh, forgot!  
  
Kile hits a button under his desk  
  
The Tenchi Muyo! yell is heard and so are are the bricks clacking (Or whatever they are)  
  
ragnarock: ????!!!! THAT'S where that sound was coming from???!!!  
  
Kile: Yep! Zelda, do you feel safer with Link around?  
  
Zelda: No, I feel more....satisfied.  
  
Kile: ....Augh....DID I miss this place? That jail is looking better.  
  
Zelda: Oh, Kile, I missed seeing you here, I watch this show all the time!  
  
Kile: Really?  
  
Zelda: No, I just thought that would be the nice thing to say.  
  
Kile: GET ANOTHER GUEST OUT HERE!  
  
*Please welcome past guest and our very own Chief of Security, Serge from Chrono Cross!*  
  
Serge walks out and sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: We don't really need to interview this guy because we see him everyday, but....Serge, you like workin' here?  
  
Serge thinks  
  
Kile: ..................................................................  
  
Serge shrugs  
  
Kile: Huh? Don't you?  
  
Serge shakes his head no  
  
Kile: Why not?  
  
Serge points at Kile then tilts his head up and begins to act as if he's pouring something down his throat  
  
Kile: I'm a drunkard?  
  
Serge points to his own nose  
  
Kile: .........Could be worse.....You could work with Marilyn Manson..  
  
Serge turns white  
  
Kile: Anyhow, will you miss us when we're gone?  
  
Serge nods and moves his hands around  
  
Kile: ........You'll need to find another job......?  
  
ragnarock: How do you know what he's saying?  
  
Kile: I dunno.  
  
*Please welcome past kidnapper and our very own stage hand, Kid from Chrono Cross!*  
  
Kid sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: Hey, hon.  
  
Kid: Hey, Kile-Kile.  
  
ragnaock: Kile-Kile?????  
  
Kile: You in the mood?  
  
Kid: Yeah, mate.  
  
Kile and Kid run backstage and don't come out for 2 and a half hours  
  
Kile sits down at his desk  
  
Kid sits at the chair next to the desk  
  
ragnarock: You noisy bastard.   
  
Kile: Was is good, Kid?  
  
Kid: Yep!  
  
Kile: That accounts for the two questions, bring out the next guest--I mean victim--No, I mean guest.....????  
  
*Please welcome past kidnapper, Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII!*  
  
Sephiroth sits in the chair next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: Mother still in Jenny Craig?  
  
Sephiroth: No, she's with Slim Fast and Subway.  
  
Kile: Subway has GREAT food, I love those steak and cheese subs. How about you?  
  
Sephiroth: Haven't tried that one yet.  
  
Kile: Want to?  
  
Sephiroth: Sure.  
  
Kile: Okay. Gokuu!  
  
Gokuu comes out of Kile's ready room  
  
Gokuu: Yeah?  
  
Kile: Hey, go down to the Subway and get us couple subs...anyone else want any?  
  
ragnarock: ME! A meatball sub!  
  
Gokuu: Okay!  
  
Gokuu takes the money and leaves  
  
Kile: Did you find out anything more about the mispelling of your final form?  
  
Sephiroth: .....Well...let me put it this way...Squaresoft is gonna be looking for new translaters.  
  
Kile: Power to the People!  
  
Kid gets up and goes backstage  
  
Kid: I've got work to do you know.  
  
Serge goes past ragnarock  
  
Kile: He needs to get back to his station  
  
*Please welcome past kidnapper, Janus from Chrono Trigger!*  
  
Janus sits next Kile's desk  
  
Kile: 'Sup?  
  
Janus: Nothing, Monkey-boy.  
  
Kile: I'm proud of my heritage. How is it you are the only one who can use Shadow Magic?  
  
Janus: Because I'm cool.  
  
Kile: ...............Why don't you have a monkey-tail?  
  
Janus: Because I'm--  
  
Kile: Not cool! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*Augh....Please welcome past guest, Tidus from Final Fantasy X!*  
  
Tidus sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: .................How'd you get invited?  
  
Tidus: I was a past guest.  
  
Kile: Don't remind me. What do you think is the weirdest thing about...Yuna?  
  
Tidus: She has one blue eye and one green.  
  
Kile: Thought so.........Get outta my sight.  
  
*Please welcome past guest, Jack from Harvest Moon: Save The Homeland!*  
  
Jack sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: How's the farm?  
  
Jack: Good.   
  
Kile: Got a girlfriend, yet?  
  
Jack: Gwen, why?  
  
Kile: Kuja needs one.  
  
Kuja: Damn straight!  
  
Jack: .....Anyhow, You done?  
  
Kile: ................Yeah.  
  
*Please welcome past guest, Sasami from Tenchi Muyo!!*  
  
Sasami sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: Hi, Sasami!  
  
Sasami: Hey-hey, Kile!  
  
Kile: How's the Masaki household been?  
  
Sasami: Not that good, Tenchi does everyone but me...Whoa! I mean all the girls but me!  
  
Kile: ......  
  
Sasami: How about you?  
  
Kile: 'Bout me, what?  
  
Sasami: You like young girls, right?  
  
Kile: ......I'm 1,000,061, ANY girl is young compared to me.  
  
Sasami: ARE YOU SERIOUS?!  
  
Kile: Yeah, I look like a scrawny young teen but....I'm older than your great-great-great-great grandfather!  
  
Sasami: ....!  
  
Kile: Uh...Ha...ha...???  
  
*For the love of everything good and holy please welcome past guest, Heero Yuy from Gundam Wing!*  
  
Heero sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: Been a while, eh?  
  
Heero: Yeah, haven't seen you since the communist assholes invaded.  
  
Kile: Yeah, better ask the questions if anyone's still reading.   
  
Heero: I think they bailed a while ago.  
  
Kile: Eh, oh, well. Why did you try to kill Mariemaia?  
  
Heero: She pissed me off!  
  
Kile: .....Still trying to kill Relina?  
  
Heero: No, now I'm trying to f^$* her!  
  
Kile: Been a while since we heard THAT word. NEXT!  
  
*Please welcome past guest, Armitage from Armitage*  
  
Armitage sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: Need any money?  
  
Armitage: Hey, 50 Kaiko is only $25!  
  
Kile: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1  
  
Armitage: You wanna die, monkey-boy?!  
  
Kile: Too late. Uh, do you like being here?  
  
Armitage: No.  
  
Kile: Bye, then!  
  
*Please welcome past guest, Squall Leonhart from Final Fantasy VIII!*  
  
Squall sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: Wassup, Squall?  
  
Squall: I devised a two new attacks. The Ass-Whupper.  
  
Kile: The other?  
  
Squall: The Heartilly Killer!  
  
Kile: Lovely....Things bad in your love life?  
  
Squall: Dunno, I'm gonna be like the author of this and just hate everyone on Earth!  
  
Kile: .......Cool.  
  
*Please welcome past guest, Ramza from Final Fantasy Tactics!*  
  
Ramza sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: 'Sup? You done anything lately?  
  
Ramza: .............................I ate pudding.  
  
Kile: ....................  
  
*.............Please welcome past guest, Majin Buu from DragonBall Z!*  
  
Majin Buu sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: Hungry?  
  
Majin Buu: YEAH!!  
  
Kile: Sorry, you missed the sub train.  
  
Majin Buu: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kile: You okay?  
  
Majin Buu: Got food?  
  
Kile: I think I got some chips.  
  
Majin Buu: GIVE!  
  
Kile hands over tortilla chips  
  
Majin Buu: YUM!  
  
Kile: That'll keep him busy a while....  
  
*Please welcome past guest, Raye from Sailor Moon!*  
  
Raye sits next Kile's desk  
  
Raye: Did you see when I stripped here?  
  
Kile: No, I was on the phone checking on things here...  
  
Raye: Want me to do it again?  
  
Kile: What the bloody hell, it IS the last show.  
  
Raye begins to strip  
  
Kid: BUGGER!  
  
Kid comes from behind the curtains and hits Raye upside the head  
  
Raye sits back down  
  
Kile: ...........Next guest before we are hurt!  
  
*Please welcome past guest, Spike from Cowboy Bebop!*  
  
Spike sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: How's being dead been, Spike?  
  
Spike: I get enough sleep now...although I miss Jet's Bell Peppers and Beef.  
  
Kile: Anything else you miss?   
  
Spike: F^%&ing.....Edward.  
  
Kile: NEXT GUEST, DAMN IT ALL!!!  
  
*Please welcome past guest, Kefka from Final Fantasy III/VI!*  
  
Kefka sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: Been swallowed by any good summons lately?  
  
Keka: ...............Bahamut.  
  
Kile: Serious?  
  
Kefka: Serious.  
  
Kile: Well, that is odd.  
  
Kefka: Try playing chess there.  
  
Kile: I just might. Next guest?  
  
*Please welcome past guest, Yuseke Uremeshi from Yu Yu Hakusho!*  
  
Yuseke sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Yuseke: No hard feelings about the Spirit World?  
  
Kile: ....I am hurt. A wound nothing can heal. One question. Will you say that I came up with the idea first...'cause I did!  
  
Yuseke: Okay, bastard, Kile Terro came up with the idea of the Spirit World first.  
  
Kile: Good, next guest.  
  
*Please welcome past guest, Cecil from Final Fantasy II/IV!*  
  
Cecil sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: How are you, Cecil?  
  
Cecil: Good. How are you?  
  
Kile: Tired, how long have I been interviewing?  
  
Cecil: Dunno.  
  
Kile: Let's see....I started this earlier today, finished one interview...stopped, then began again when Dr. Demento came on, and Dr. D is already over!  
  
Cecil: Isn't that two hours long?  
  
Kile: Yeah...Anyhow, You and Rosa have kids yet?  
  
Cecil: One, Locke.  
  
Kile: Don't THAT sound familiar?  
  
*Please welcome past guest, Tenchi Masaki from Tenchi Muyo!!*  
  
Tenchi sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: You tired?  
  
Tenchi: No.  
  
Kile: I am. You hungry?  
  
Tenchi: No.  
  
Kile: I am. Where's my damn sub?  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
WITH GOKUU AT THE BULLET TRAIN STATION  
  
Queza: Look, kid, I told you. This is a bullet train, not a subway.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
*Please welcome past guest, Kiro from Card Captor Sakura!*  
  
Kiro sits on Kile's desk  
  
Kile: Hey.  
  
Kiro: Yo.  
  
Kile: You like video games, right?  
  
Kiro: Yeah.  
  
Kile: So do I. Anime?  
  
Kiro: I AM anime, you dumbass.  
  
Kile: ........Oh, yeah...my eyes must be messing up.  
  
Kile puts on his anime-like glasses  
  
ragnarock: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You wear glasses?!  
  
Kile: Only when my sight is bad.  
  
ragnarock and Kiro: No duh.  
  
*Please welcome past guest, Zero from Pilot Candidate!*  
  
Zero sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: Shit...my glasses must be busted or something 'cause he looks like Tai Kamiya to me.  
  
ragnarock: No, he actually looks like that.  
  
Kile: Oh. Zero, how do you like GOA?  
  
Zero: ............The catgirl's hot.  
  
Kile: ......How's classes?  
  
Zero: I dunno....???  
  
Kile: Augh.....  
  
*Please welcome past guest, Tetsuro Hoshino from Galaxy Express 999!*  
  
Tetsuro sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: You gonna miss us when we're gone?  
  
Tetsuro: No, I didn't know you guy's existed.  
  
Kile: you gonna miss you head when I snap it off like a twig?  
  
Tetsuro: You a machine?  
  
Kile: No, just a hungry and tired dead guy with a monkey tail whose eyesight is shot right now.  
  
*Please welcome past guest, Magus from Chrono Trigger!*  
  
Magus sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: How's the world been treating you?  
  
Magus: Good.  
  
Kile: .......I thought something would happen if there were two of someone?  
  
Magus looks at Janus and Janus looks at Magus  
  
A black hole forms and sucks them inside it  
  
Kile: .......There's something you don't see on Pay-Per-View.  
  
*Please welcome past guest, Ryu from Breath of Fire 4!*  
  
Ryu sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: Another mute....Do you think you'll miss us?  
  
Ryu nods  
  
Kile: That's all I'll ask.  
  
*Please welcome past guest, X from Mega Man X!  
  
X sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: See anyone with black hair and subs on your way here?  
  
X: No.  
  
Kile: What is your relation with Roll?  
  
X: Wrong Mega Man...That was Rock, I'm X.  
  
Kile: Whew, I did her and I was afraid of the relation.  
  
X: He's her sister, I think....wait isn't she a robot?  
  
Kile: Not from what I could tell.  
  
*Please welcome our LAST past guest, Jim Hawking from Outlaw Star!*  
  
Jim sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: How's the world of technology?  
  
Jim: Ever changing.  
  
Kile: You like catgirls?  
  
Jim: Not really.  
  
Kile: I do. End this sword master!  
  
*You got it, Kile!*  
  
Silence  
  
*Please welcome Selphie Tilmitt from Final Fantasy VIII!*  
  
Kile: Am I doomed to do this show for eternity?  
  
Selphie sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: Why are you so hyper?  
  
Selphie: I take speed, lots and lots of speed!  
  
Kile: .....Revenge of the Sugar High.....How is your relationship with Irvine?  
  
Selphie: He's a sex-crazed demon.  
  
Kile: Who isn't?  
  
*Please welcome our next guest, Ryo-Ohki from Tenchi Muyo!!*  
  
Ryo-ohki sits on Kile's desk  
  
Kile: RYO-OHKI!!!!! ^____^  
  
ragnarock: That's scary.  
  
Kile picks up Ryo-Ohki and he leans back in his chair with Ryo-Ohki on his chest  
  
Kile: How are you?  
  
Ryo-Ohki: Myao-myao!  
  
Kile rubs his head agains Ryo-Ohki  
  
Kile: Isn't she just precious?  
  
*Well, I guess this is it for Interviews--*  
  
Hojo runs in and slams his hands down on Kile's desk  
  
Hojo: You guys killed my most prized creation!  
  
Kile: What?  
  
Hojo: Osama Bin Laden!  
  
Kile: You were the guy who kept resurrecting him?  
  
Hojo: Yes!  
  
Kile: You'll have to take this up with Reader's Services...behind the curtain.  
  
Hojo: Thank you.  
  
Hojo walks behind the curtain  
  
Hojo: Why is there a girl back here? With a...dagger? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kile is still petting Ryo-Ohki  
  
Kile: And on this final note, if any of you guys walked in on your girlfriends and saw a guy jump out the window...it was me! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Fifty dozen guys come running into the studio  
  
Kile speaks into mini tape recorder  
  
Kile: Note: Next time I say if any guys walked in on their girlfriends and saw a guy jump out the window....before I say it was me...lock ALL doors and windows.  
  
Kile clicks off the recorder and Serge escorts all of the guys out  
  
Kile: Bye.......everyone, tell your girlfriends I'll be there an hour later tonight! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
STAFF ROOM  
  
animemaster is interviewing Dante from Devil May cry, Solid Snake from Metal Gear Solid, and Leo from Zone of the Enders  
  
Kile: Is this where you've been all day?  
  
animemaster: It's only been about half an hour.  
  
Kile: In fic time, that's all day.  
  
ragnarock: We better get back to our own worlds, now.   
  
sword master: Yeah...Bye Kile.  
  
ragnarock: Bye, Kile.  
  
animemaster; See ya, KT.  
  
Gokuu: Bye, Uncle Mike.  
  
Kile: I thought I said not to say my name!  
  
Gokuu: Sorry, bye.  
  
Gokuu, animemaster, sword master and ragnarock leave  
  
Kile: And goodbye to the readers.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
THE END  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	11. Blooper Reel

_______________________________________________________________________  
Interviews  
by:  
Kile Terro  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
*Welcome to the Spirit Show hosted today by Kile and animemaster!*  
  
Kile is sitting at his desk  
  
Kile: Welcome...today we will be looking at the screw ups from the past chapters for your reading pleasure. We are doing the same as other shows these days--  
  
animemaster: Yeah, cheap-ass clip shows.  
  
Kile: Of bloopers! Roll it!  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 1: KUJA  
  
Kile: Kuja.....  
  
Kuja: ....Yeah?  
  
Kile: .....I forgot. Ah, screw it.  
  
Kuja: No, thanks...  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 1: THE SHOT  
  
Kile: Okay, this concludes our show, I hope you enjoyed it, I need to take my friend animemaster to the hospital now. I would like to thank our guests Serge, Zelda, Kuja, and Cloud for coming.  
  
A bullet whizzes past Kile and hits Zelda's breasts, deflating them  
  
Kile: Hey! Balloons!  
  
Zelda: I paid good money on that surgery! LLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Zelda runs away screaming  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 2: MASAMUNE  
  
Kile jumps into the air and onto the desk.  
  
Kile: HAHAHA!!!! No rope can hold The Great Kile Terro!  
  
Sephiroth draws the Masamune and slap Kile in the side of the head with it  
  
Kile: D'oh! Dammit!  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 2: SHACK UP  
  
Kile: What part of "get out" don't you understand?!  
  
animemaster: Uh.....Uh.......Uh.......The get part.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
ON THE SET  
  
Kile: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is so funny!  
  
animemaster: Actually Kile, those all appear to be random acts of stupidity....like Nick Diamond.  
  
Kile: Who loves orange soda? I do, I do, I do, I do...ooh...  
  
animemaster: Where're the next scenes???  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 3: TIDUS  
  
Tidus walks out onto the stage and sits in the chair next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: ...............  
  
Tidus: .................  
  
Kile: ...............  
  
Tidus: .................  
  
Kile: DIE!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kile hits Tidus over the head with an axe  
  
Tidus: AH! AH! AHHH!!!!!! Oh! Look!  
  
He points at the axe's blade  
  
Kile: N'yag!  
  
The blade has been totalled  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 3: NYMPHOMANIAC  
  
Sasami jumps up and adult toys fall from her clothes  
  
Sasami: Oh, my GOD!!  
  
Ryo-Ohki falls out of her clothes with a carrot  
  
Ryo-Ohki: Myao! Myao!  
  
Kile: CUTIE!!!!  
  
Ryo-Ohkie jumps back into the Sasami's clothes with the carrot  
  
Sasami: OH, YEAH!!! WORK THAT CARROT!!!  
  
ALL: .....................  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 4: SIEG HEIL!  
  
Kile: I am gonna have a SERIOUS talk with Ragnarock when this is over, I thought the last guests were terrible....these guys are worse.  
  
Ivan: Siddown-and-go-about-your-NORMAL-business...Sieg heil!  
  
He does a Nazi salute  
  
Kile: Did he just say "See Kile?"  
  
ALL: .............Uh.......  
  
Kile: DIE!!!!  
  
Kile lunges at Ivan  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 4: SEX  
  
BACKSTAGE  
  
animemaster: Kid, I need you to do me a favor.  
  
Kid: I'm not 'avin' sex widcha.  
  
animemaster: NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
animemaster runs away screaming and crying  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
ON THE SET  
  
Kile: You worm!  
  
animemaster: Kile! It's not what you think.  
  
Kile: Whew. Good.....Let's move on, shall we?  
  
animemaster: ........Uh......Alright.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 5: OSAMA'S RETURNING RETURN  
  
Bin Laden drops back in  
  
animemaster: NOW, SERGE!!!!  
  
animemaster jumps backstage  
  
Bin Laden: Wha--??  
  
animemaster speeds out from behind the curtain on a torpedo  
  
animemaster: Yeah-hah!  
  
Bin Laden cartwheel flips away  
  
animemaster has lost control of the torpedo and zooms out of sight  
  
ragnarock: ....Where's he going?  
  
WITH KILE  
  
Kile: Hahh......hahh......No more.....Can't move...  
  
Kid: Ya may wanna move....  
  
Kile: Huh?  
  
A mysterious explosion envelops Kile's Refuge  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 5: BOUNTY HEAD (IF OSAMA WASN'T CAUGHT)  
  
animemaster: We lost that bounty head.  
  
Ramza: Yeah........  
  
animemaster: .....But we won't lose you!  
  
animemaster chases Ramza around with a sword  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 6: MO-LEST-Y!  
  
*Please welcome our first guest, Spike from Cowboy Bebop!*  
  
Spike sits next to Kile's desk  
  
Kile: Welcome, Spike.  
  
Spike: Great being here.  
  
Kile: Okay, Just how DID you lose that eye?  
  
Spike: I was doing Julia, when she became lost in animal instinct and scratched my eye out, licked at it and called it a third ball....  
  
Kile: Well, doesn't THAT get your mojo working, huh?! HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Spike: Ugh...  
  
Kile: Who is the sexiest girl on the Bebop in your opinion?  
  
Spike: Edward.  
  
Kile: I agree.  
  
Spike: ....Wanna go look for her?  
  
Kile: Sure.  
  
They leave  
  
animemaster: Where're they going.  
  
ragnarock: Something about molesting.  
  
animemaster: NOT AGAIN, KILE!  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 6: RAGNALOK???  
  
Cop 1: Kile Ragnalok Terro, you are under arrest, you have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.  
  
Cop 2: RAGNALOK?????? What the hell kind of name is that?  
  
Cop 1: The name of an.......ALIEN!   
  
Cop 2: I just hope they execute you...permanently.  
  
Kile: ......Eh, I've had a good run.  
  
Cop 1: Come with us, Alien!  
  
They drag Kile away  
  
Kile: ARGH!! KT phone home!!  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
ON THE SET  
  
Kile: Ah, I remember that...  
  
animemaster: So do I...  
  
Kile: Hah, the good old days of sex, booze, and arrests.  
  
animemaster: Those WERE the golden years.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 7: DAFT PUNK  
  
Gokuu: Sir?  
  
FBI agent: Yeah, kid?  
  
Gokuu: Would you kindly free my uncle Kile?  
  
FBI agent: Are you daft, punk?  
  
Gokuu: No, I am not Daft Punk.  
  
FBI agent: No, no, daft, punk! Are you daft!?  
  
Gokuu: I'm telling you, I'm not Daft Punk!  
  
Pyra runs up  
  
Pyra: Can I get your autograph, Daft Punk? Wait a second! You're not Daft Punk!  
  
Gokuu: What have I been saying?!  
  
Pyra: You're a monkey!  
  
Pyra notices Gokuu's black monkey tail  
  
Gokuu: I try to keep it hidden! Kile told me about you! EEEEEEKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Pyra hits him with a BIG stick  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 7: "Cock" has More than One Meaning...  
  
*Please welcome our next guest Tenchi Masaki from Tenchi Muyo!!*  
  
Tenchi sits next to animemaster's desk  
  
animemaster: We haven't seen you since the Sasami incident.  
  
Tenchi: Yeah, yeah, where are the babes?  
  
animemaster: Huh?  
  
Tenchi: Look, I downed half a gallon of viagra, and I would appreciate it if I could f%*% a chick before it explodes!  
  
animemaster: I'm afraid to ask what would explode...  
  
Tenchi: My cock.  
  
animemaster: ARGH!!!  
  
Tenchi: See?  
  
Tenchi holds up a rooster   
  
animemaster: ....  
  
The rooster blows up  
  
animemaster: Now that that's over--  
  
Tenchi: What do you mean "over???" I still need to f%^* a chick before it explodes!  
  
An explosion is heard in Tenchi's pants as the front of them expand then retract  
  
Tenchi: .........Uh-oh.........  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 8: WHAT'S WITH THE FASCINATION WITH THE WORD SUCK?  
  
Bin Laden: When I press this button, all will go BOOM!!!!  
  
animemaster: You'll kill yourself along with us!  
  
Bin Laden: ...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................  
...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................  
................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... ...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................   
...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................  
...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................  
....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Oh, well. Suck on this a while!  
  
Bin Laden brings his finger down to the detonater  
  
animemaster: NO!!!  
  
animemaster grabs a pacifier and throws it at Bin Laden  
  
animemaster: SUCK THIS!!  
  
Bin Laden: Ooh?  
  
Bin Laden puts it in his mouth and metally reverts to a child  
  
Bin Laden explodes and a few hairs are caught by the wind  
  
ragnarock: What the HELL was with that?  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 8: 10:00 AM  
  
ALL: Good night, everybody!  
  
ragnarock: What if it's 10:00 AM where the readers are?  
  
animemaster: Then Kile will seduce the women of "Tenchi Muyo!."  
  
sword master: Too late.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
ON THE SET  
  
Kile: HAHAHAHAHAHAhAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!! Hahh, we live such interesting lives.  
  
animemaster: This is all retarded.  
  
Kile: That's the point!  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 9: IS HOS SUCH A BAD WORD?  
  
With Gokuu, Mac, and Queza  
  
Queza: Behind these doors is the cafeteria...where Kile was last seen.  
  
Gokuu opens the doors  
  
Loud Kid Rock music is playing  
  
Kile is singing the part of Kid Rock while standing on a table  
  
Kile: I'm gonna f%&^ some hos after I rock this place!!!  
  
Queza: He makes an impression wherever he goes.  
  
Mac: KILE!!!  
  
Music ends  
  
Kile: Huh? Mac, what're you doing here?  
  
Mac: We heard there was a party and decided to crash it--WHAT DO YOU THINK WE'RE DOING HERE???!!! TO BUST YOU OUT!!!  
  
Kile: Okay, let's go.   
  
They walk out of the cafeteria  
  
Kile looks at a guard  
  
Kile: Bye, Jeod.  
  
Jeod: Bye-bye, Kid Rock!  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 9: EAT THIS!  
  
The car crashes through the wall  
  
animemaster: Kile!  
  
Kile: It's great to be back!  
  
Serge is still battling Bin Laden  
  
ragnarock: Do something about Bin Laden!  
  
Kile: Okay. Hey Osama!  
  
Serge runs off  
  
Bin Laden: Huh?   
  
Kile: You hungry?  
  
Bin Laden: Uh-huh.  
  
Kile grabs Gunnister  
  
Kile: THEN EAT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kile fires a #7 energy shell  
  
Bin Laden: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Bin Laden eats it  
  
Bin Laden: YUM!!!  
  
Kile: Uhh.........  
  
Bin Laden: Oooooohhhhhhhhhh............My stomach...  
  
Bin Laden farts and blow up  
  
Kile: DAMN!! I didn't realize how stinky pure energy was!  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 10: SQUARESOFT  
  
Kile: Did you find out anything more about the mispelling of your final form?  
  
Sephiroth: .....Well...let me put it this way...Squaresoft is gonna be looking for new translaters.  
  
Kile: Power to the People! Now I can get a job there.  
  
Sephiroth: Sorry, Bill Gates made clones of himselft and sent them to work there.  
  
Kile: That damn bastard is ALWAYS two and a half steps ahead of me.  
  
Sephiroth: A half?  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 10: RETURN OF THE NYMPHOMANIAC  
  
Kile: How's the Masaki household been?  
  
Sasami: Not that good, Tenchi does everyone but me...Whoa! I mean all the girls but me!  
  
Kile: ......  
  
Sasami: How about you?  
  
Kile: 'Bout me, what?  
  
Sasami: You like young girls, right?  
  
Kile: ......I'm 1,000,061, ANY girl is young compared to me.  
  
Sasami: ARE YOU SERIOUS?!  
  
Kile: Yeah.  
  
Sasami: YAY!!!  
  
Kile: Huh?  
  
Sasami gets up and sits on Kile's lap in a *ahem* perverted way  
  
Sasami: Just let me sit like this for a while...teehee...  
  
animemaster: I'm guessing she like older men.  
  
Sasami: What's this thing poking me through your pants?  
  
Kile: M-my car keys--Yeah, that's it! My car keys!  
  
animemaster: You don't have a car...or a license for that matter.  
  
Kile: Just drop it before Kid appears.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
ON THE SET  
  
animemaster: You sick child molesting bastard.  
  
Kile: She sat on my lap! It wasn't like I had her lean over and  
(------------------------------------------CENSORED---------------------------------------------) and with her mother too!  
  
animemaster: ....New censor....  
  
Kile: Oh, well..Good night, good fight, good f^#k.  
  
A sweatdrop forms over animemaster's head  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
STAFF ROOM  
  
Kile: I was proud of that!  
  
animemaster: You would....  
  
Kile: Ah, clip shows are some of my favorite kind.  
  
animemaster: They would....  
  
Kile: You're getting on my nerves.  
  
animemaster: I would.  
  
Mac: Shut up! I'm trying to sleep.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
THE END  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	12. Season Premiere

_______________________________________________________________________  
Interviews 2  
by:  
Kile Terro  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
*Welcome to the Spirit Show!*  
  
ragnarock is sitting at Kile's desk  
  
ragnarock: Welcome back! We are proud to announce that we have returned! By popular demand!   
  
Gokuu: Billy Bob Burmstang the Crazed Hillbilly Dragon doesn't really count as popular demand.  
  
ragnarock: As for the lawsuits....Queza is keeping cops and FBI agents from traveling in the bullet train, the jail here is being turned into a brothel, and animemaster is building a bigass wall and moat.  
  
animemaster walks in  
  
animemaster: The Great Wall of Dumbass is done.  
  
Gokuu: That's the most used name of name-calling of all time here, I think.  
  
ragnarock: ...So it is...so it is. Oh, and the band here, y'know, the band that plays people to the desk (Pretty much Zorak's roll on Space Ghost: Coast to Coast.) is Daft Punk, and Kile is no longer working here. He has gone in search of something he couldn't ever get here...money. So, if you only read this to see Kile...you might as well leave.  
  
FEW MINUTES LATER  
  
ragnarock: Anyone leave?  
  
animemaster: Actually, I think there are MORE people in here.  
  
ragnarock: I THOUGHT the audience was larger.  
  
animemaster: Let's just get this underway.  
  
ragnarock: Yeah.  
  
*Please welcome, first guest of the season, Crono from Chrono Trigger!*  
  
Daft Punk plays Crono to his seat  
  
ragnarock: WOW!! Crono!!! THE Crono! If Kile were here he would be going nuts!  
  
animemaster: Just ask him the damned questions!  
  
ragnarock: Okay...Crono, first question of the season: Who do prefer of the Chrono Trigger girls?  
  
Crono moves his hands around  
  
ragnarock: I know you can talk; I've seen you. I got that slide show ending you get by watching Schala open the door in Zeal Castle by using her pendent then NOT powering up the pendent and going back to the end of time and using the bucket to defeat Lavos...  
  
Crono: ...You have to much free time on your hands.  
  
ragnarock: Actually, Kile told me about that one.  
  
Crono: Anyway, my favorite, huh? Ayla.  
  
ragnarock: .....Ayla?  
  
Crono: There's just something about her.  
  
ragnarock: ....It's because she's practically nude, right?  
  
Crono: Yeah.  
  
ragnarock: What is the weirdest thing to you about the Akira Toriyama drawings?  
  
Crono: Well, I look like Goku or Gohan, Marle looks like Chi Chi, Lucca looks like Bulma, Ayla looks like Launch, or Lunch, whatever her name is, as for Frog and Robo...I can't think of anyone they look like.  
  
ragnarock: What about Magus, Janus, and Glenn?  
  
Crono: Magus and Glenn look like Vegeta to me and Janus looks like Chibi Trunks with long hair.  
  
ragnarock: Really?  
  
Crono: Yeah.  
  
ragnarock: You can go help yourself to the refreshments backstage.  
  
animemaster: There are refreshments backstage!!!???  
  
Crono goes backstage  
  
ragnarock: Yeah, what'd you think Kid did back there?  
  
animemaster: ...I had fantasies...  
  
ragnarock: Before I forget. Kid left with Kile.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
WITH KID AND KILE  
  
They are in a rowboat in some ocean  
  
Kid: Ro' fastah, Kile!  
  
Kile: I'm trying!  
  
Giant Squid emerges and chases them  
  
Kid: There 'tis agahn!  
  
Kile: SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SSSSSHHHHHIIIIITTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kile rows at the speed of light  
  
They stop in the middle of a desert  
  
Kid: D'we break de speed ah light?  
  
Kile: Not only that...this was Phoenix, Arizona!  
  
A town shoots up from the ground around them  
  
Kile: ...........Guess that's why they called it "Phoenix."  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
THE SET  
  
*Please welcome our next guest, Bulma from DragonBall Z!*  
  
Daft Punk plays Bulma to her seat  
  
ragnarock: Welcome, Bulma.  
  
Bulma: I feel welcomed...Hey, where's that Saija-jinn?  
  
ragnarock: What Saija-jinn?  
  
Bulma: Kile.  
  
ragnarock: Kile wasn't a Saija-jinn.  
  
Bulma: Then what was he?  
  
ragnarock: A mutated Djala.  
  
Bulma: Oh.  
  
ragnarock: And he's in search of money...and sex...lots and lots of sex. Anyhow, What do you think of Vegeta's sacrifice trying to kill Majin Buu?  
  
Bulma: He was a dumbass! He should've ate him! Saija-jinns can eat ANYTHING!!!  
  
ragnarock: Kile would've...  
  
animemaster: I thought we said before the show began we weren't gonna dwell on the past...?  
  
ragnarock: I know...Bulma, if Chi Chi hadn't come around, what do you think would've happened to Goku?  
  
Gokuu: Me?  
  
ragnarock: NOT YOU!! The OTHER Goku!  
  
Bulma: ....I think my parent's would've adopted him...probably because he looked six when he was twelve.  
  
ragnarock: Yeah, and weren't you sixteen?  
  
Bulma: I miss those days...  
  
ragnarock: YO, AKIRA!!!  
  
*Please welcome Anime Artist Akira Toriyama!*  
  
Daft Punk plays Akira to his seat  
  
ragnarock: Welcome, Akira.  
  
Akira: (Japanese)  
  
ragnarock: Uhh....  
  
ragnarock pulls out a book that has a Chibi Kile drawn on the front  
  
ragnarock: (Japanese)  
  
(I'll put in the translation)  
  
ragnarock: (Think you can help us with Bulma?)  
  
Akira: (Yes, what should I do?)  
  
ragnarock: (Make her feel young again.)  
  
Akira: (I may get arrested for doing that on a TV show set.)  
  
ragnarock: (No, no, no....you're an anime artist, she's anime, and SHE'S YOUR CREATION!!!)  
  
Akira: (Ohhh.......Okay.)  
  
Akira takes out a big freaking eraser and erases Bulma's face and other parts of her  
  
animemaster: Now, I've heard of makeovers but this...THIS...is ridiculous.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
WITH KILE AND KID IN A KARAOKE BAR  
  
Kile sings like a deep voiced 2-D from Gorillaz  
  
Kile (Singing): The world is spinning too fast, I'm buyin' lead Nike shoes to keep myself tethered to the days I try to lose...  
  
Kid sounds like....well....Kid  
  
Kid: Da da dat dat  
  
Record companies are listening  
  
Bigwig 1: They sound TERRIBLE!  
  
Bigwig 2: Yes, we HAVE to get them to sign the contract!  
  
Bigwig 3: Terrible singing is IN!  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
AT THE SET  
  
Bulma looks like she did when she first met Goku  
  
Bulma: WOW! Thanks, Akira!  
  
Akira: (Japanese)  
  
ragnarock: He says "You're welcome."  
  
Akira sits down  
  
ragnarock: (What was the most difficult thing you had trouble with when you created DBZ?)  
  
Akira: (Getting off my ass and submitting it...)  
  
ragnarock: (Hmm.....)  
  
Akira: (...)  
  
ragnarock: (Who is your favorite character off of DBZ?)  
  
Akira: (Bulma.)  
  
Akira turns around and hugs Bulma  
  
Gokuu: As my uncle would say..."Get a room...sickbeeps..."  
  
animemaster: "Sickbeep?"  
  
Gokuu: I don't cuss.  
  
Akira begins doing Bulma  
  
ragnarock: And on the first damn show of the new season!!!  
  
animemaster puts his hands over Gokuu's eyes  
  
animemaster: Well....I'm traumitized, now...  
  
Serge walks in  
  
Serge: WHAT THE FU--AGH!!!!!!!!!!  
  
ragnarock: Holy shit! He talked!  
  
Gokuu: This all makes no sense!!!   
  
animemaster: I know what you mean! O.O I didn't know Bulma was that limber.  
  
ragnarock: This is the most f*&^ed up excuse for a f^%&ing show we've ever f^%&ing had!!!   
  
Queza walks in  
  
Queza: You stared the f*&^ing party without me?  
  
Crono walks out from backstage  
  
Crono: You leave for a few minutes and the whole f^&$ing world goes nuts....  
  
ragnarock: What's with all the f&^%s???!!!  
  
ragnarock: Queza, would you escort these sex crazed demons out?  
  
Queza: Huh? Did Kile and Kid come back?  
  
ragnarock: No...THESE two sex crazed demons.  
  
Queza: Oh.  
  
Bulma and Akira stop  
  
Bulma: Sad part is I'm not a maiden anymore...  
  
Akira goes up her skirt with a pencil  
  
Drawing sounds are heard  
  
Akira comes out  
  
Akira: You are now.   
  
Gokuu: He speaks English? Then why didn't he earlier? My head hurts now...  
  
animemaster: Mine, too...  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
STAFF ROOM  
  
animemaster: It's good to be back.  
  
Gokuu: Yeah...  
  
ragnarock: You're hosting tomorrow, Gokuu...  
  
Gokuu: Why not animemaster?  
  
animemaster: I've hosted enough...Anyway, that'll look good on a job application "Was temp host for crazy uncle's make believe talk show..." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!  
  
Serge: You ALL scare me...  
  
Mac: You guys done yet? I've run out of orange soda and need more.  
  
Gokuu: Why don't you just get your own?  
  
Mac: Talking cats aren't trusted that much....  
  
Gokuu gets him orange soda  
  
Mac: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!  
  
He shapeshifts into a human  
  
It's Krauitz  
  
Krauitz takes the orange soda and flies off  
  
Gokuu: Well.....That was new. I'm gonna go to sleep now....  
  
Gokuu passes out  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
THE END  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	13. Gokuu's First Interview

Kile: Sorry I haven't been updating. I've been reading a book for English Class; I have a book report. The book I'm reading is "Dune: House Harkonnen" and if you haven't read it, you should, it's 733 pages, it's light reading. It's VERY interesting, I'm nearly done with it so I decided to write another Interviews....  
_______________________________________________________________________  
Interviews 2  
by:  
Kile Terro  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
*Welcome to the Spirit Show!*  
  
Gokuu is at the desk  
  
Gokuu: Welcome, everyone! Today we will talk with--  
  
ragnarock: Don't tell them, dumbass!  
  
Gokuu: ...  
  
ragnarock: Oops....he's only 11.  
  
animemaster: And extremely volitile.  
  
Gokuu: ....Where's the first guest?  
  
*Somewhere.....It's Tai Kamiya from Digimon: Digital Monsters Season One!*  
  
Daft Punk plays him to the desk  
  
Tai sits next to the desk  
  
animemaster: What's Zero doing here?  
  
ragnarock: You're forgetting, Zero and Tai are twins!  
  
animemaster: That's right, I forgot....  
  
Gokuu: .....What should I ask?  
  
animemaster: ......The questions are prewritten! There on your cards up there!  
  
Gokuu: Oh.   
  
He reads them  
  
Gokuu: ...What's a clitoris?  
  
ragnarock rests his head on his heads  
  
animemaster: Didn't your uncle ever teach you that?!  
  
Gokuu: No....He DID let me watch South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut.  
  
animemaster: It was the big, pink thing Stan ran into.  
  
Gokuu: Ohhhh................  
  
Gokuu looks at the card again  
  
Gokuu: I don't believe this question....Oh, well....Tai, how did it feel inside Sora's clitoris?  
  
Tai: BLOODY HELL?????!!!!!!  
  
animemaster looks right-up at a T.V. rating window (The black screen with the rating, children shows are usuall Y or Y7....that thing)  
  
animemaster: Was it just me or did you just see that rating window go from PG-13 to NC-17?  
  
Gokuu: It says...."It felt good to me!" signed by Kile....  
  
animemaster: Even when he isn't here he's causing a ruckus.  
  
Gokuu: Anyway, Tai?   
  
Tai: Yeah?  
  
Gokuu: What was it like in the Digital World?  
  
Tai: Great....You can go on a date with a girl and f^%& her and not come back for hours and when you DO come back it's only been a few seconds! ...............Maybe that's why Mimi goes there so much...to f^%& girls.  
  
Gokuu: I am learning more than ever......Anyway, why did not stay there?  
  
Tai: No porn.  
  
animemaster: Couldn't Izzy have downloaded some?  
  
Tai: ...........Hey, I guess so! He-he could!  
  
*Please welcome our next guest, Kuwabara from Yu Yu Hakusho!*  
  
Daft Punk plays him tot he desk  
  
Kuwabara sits next to the desk  
  
Gokuu: Hey, Kuwabara.  
  
Kuwabara: Hey.  
  
Gokuu: What are your feelings toward Kayko?  
  
Kuwabara: Who?  
  
Gokuu: The girl you tried to rape, the girl who was dragging Yusuke's barely living body out of his house...  
  
Kuwabara: Ohhhh.....Her. She's....okay.  
  
Gokuu: Okay...Here it is, the question everyone's been waiting for: Why do like kittens?  
  
Kuwabara's eyes light up and swell with happiness, he looks like a lovefilled child with the folded hands and twinkly eyes  
  
Kuwabara: KITTIES ARE JUST SO CUTE!!!!!!!  
  
Gokuu: That's what Kile's excuse is. He loves "kitties", too.  
  
Kuwabara: Give him this, then.  
  
Kuwabara hands him a card  
  
Gokuu (Reading): Cat Lovers Club.....  
  
Kuwabara: He would fit right in.  
  
*Hey, we just got a package.*  
  
The package is sent to Gokuu  
  
Gokuu opens it up, inside is a letter and a CD  
  
Gokuu opens the letter  
  
Gokuu (Reading): Dear Friends.....or whomever you are, I've hit it big! I'm a multi-trillionaire! All because I can't sing worth shit. I've sent you guys a copy of the CD to enjoy. Later, K-T.  
  
animemaster: I've heard him sing before, he sounds like 2-D with a frog in his throat over bronchitis.....I would bet you anything that track 5 is "John Wayne" spoofing Clint Eastwood.  
  
Gokuu looks on the back at the titles of the tracks  
  
Gokuu: ......You won that bet, "John Wayne" is track 5. The band is called "The Chimpanzeez"  
  
animemaster: Oh, God...  
  
Gokuu opens it up and looks at the band members names  
  
Gokuu: Guitar: Tempura.  
  
ragnarock: Noodle.  
  
Gokuu: Bass (Bass)--  
  
animemaster: Bass (Base).  
  
Gokuu: Bass (Base): Matlock.  
  
sword master: Murdock.  
  
Gokuu: Drums: Brussel. And that would be Russel.  
  
Gokuu: And Vocals: K-T.  
  
animemaster: 2-D.  
  
ragnaock: K-T must be Kile.  
  
animemaster: What was your first clue?  
  
*Hahh.....welcome final guest Irvine Kinneas from Final Fantasy VIII!*  
  
Daft Punk plays him to the desk  
  
Gokuu: Now is it just me, or does this guy look like Kid Rock, y'know, with the cowboy hat and the clothes and long hair?  
  
animemaster: I.....guess.  
  
ragnarock: Dunno.  
  
Gokuu: Irvine, where do you think you'll be in ten years?  
  
Irvine: In a disc.  
  
Gokuu: Besides that.  
  
Irvine: With the person I love.  
  
animemaster: Aww.....  
  
Irvine: .....Hello, Rikku!  
  
animemaster, ragnarock, and Gokuu anime fall  
  
They get back up  
  
Gokuu: What about from your game?  
  
Irvine: They put Selphie in a rehab program because of her speed addiction.  
  
Gokuu: She shared that bit of info with Kile in the so-called "Series Finale."  
  
Irvine: It's hard to be alone.  
  
animemaster: And here it goes.............  
  
Irvine stands up, the lights are turned off, and a spotlight hits Irvine  
  
Someone throws him a mic  
  
Irvine: For all the people who miss their loved ones....  
  
Daft Punk plays "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger"  
  
Irvine: When they return.............f%^& them harder, make it better, masturbate them faster, f*#& them stronger, hour after hour sex is never over.  
  
Everything goes back to normal, Irvine sits back down and throws away the mic  
  
Gokuu: I would've thought Kile would've been the first to make fun of that song.  
  
animemaster: Yeah.  
  
ragnarock: Good night, Neo Tokyo!  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
STAFF ROOM  
  
Gokuu: Looks like Kile's doing good.  
  
ragnarock: Good for him!  
  
animemaster: He won't be coming back, though.  
  
sword master: On the bright side.......we get more food from the snack bar.  
  
Mac: ...............For those who think young.  
  
Mac winks  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
THE END  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	14. White Hot Paper

VICTORY!!!! I finished "Dune: House Harkonnen." Eh...It was light reading, anyhow. I highly recomend this book to EVERYONE! _______________________________________________________________________  
Interviews 2  
by:  
Kile Terro  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
*Welcome to the Spirit Show!*  
  
ragnarock: Welcome...Today...Ahh...hell if I know what were doing this time...the damned author is making this up as he goes...  
  
Gokuu: WHAT author??? Oh..wait...dumb question..I'm his nephew..Hah..hah..hahhh.......  
  
animemaster: I'm gonna choke the next person who uses "..."..........AH, SHIT!!!!!!!  
  
animemaster proceeds to choke himself  
  
Gokuu: Not now!!  
  
He kicks him and animemaster stops choking himself  
  
*Please welcome our first guest, Botan from Yu Yu Hakusho!*  
  
Daft Punk plays her to her seat  
  
ragnarock: Gee, if you couldn't tell, Yu Yu Hakusho is this author's favorite show...  
  
Gokuu: It's IN his bio.  
  
animemaster: Who reads those, anyway?  
  
ragnarock: Botan?  
  
Botan: Yes?  
  
ragnarock: What's it like being the Grim Reaper?  
  
Botan: It get's irritating at times...but it's fun.  
  
ragnarock: It's a real party starter at Kile's Refuge. And if you couldn't tell, that's Kile's home in the Spirit World.  
  
Botan: I didn't know he lived there!  
  
animemaster: He doesn't! He lives in the REAL Spirit World! You guys spoofed him!  
  
Botan: We did not!  
  
animemaster: I can't believe that! ...........Full body cavity search.  
  
Gokuu: Hey, I think I have a cavity in this tooth back here...  
  
Gokuu pulls at the right side of his mouth with his finger showing teeth  
  
Gokuu: See?  
  
animemaster: NOT THAT KIND OF CAVITY!!!!  
  
animemaster walks up to Botan with a tazer and prodding tool  
  
Botan: NO WAY!!!  
  
Botan hits him like a baseball with her stick  
  
It sends animemaster flying across the room  
  
animemaster: That thing packs a punch  
  
Fushigi Yuugi breaks a wall as he flies through it  
  
Fushigi: NO DA!!!!  
  
He exits the same way at a paralell wall  
  
animemaster: That was weird...   
  
Gokuu: Yeah...he usually types "Duh" instead of "Da."  
  
animemaster: Yeah.  
  
ragnarock: ................Uh, Botan? Uh, What is your favorite pasttime?  
  
Botan: Mocking mortals, taking over their bodies, and using them like puppets! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
ragnarock: .......Next..........  
  
*Please welcome.....a black hole????????!!!!*  
  
Daft Punk plays it to the desk  
  
animemaster: .........ragnarock? You book the guests...what the hell did you do?  
  
ragnarock: .........Dunno....Uh....WHO LET THE COWS OUT?!  
  
Gokuu: Moo...moo-moo-m--  
  
ragnarock: WHO LET THE COWS OUT?!  
  
animemaster: Listen, Bobby Bones....(Bobby Bones is a DJ in Arkansas for 105.9 KLAZ who likes to create parodies of songs...like "Who Let the Cows Out?" or "Yucky" spoofing Britney's "Lucky"...only that's about a kid named Bobby who pees the bed....check out his website at radiobobby.com)...  
  
The black hole drops two people out  
  
Janus: Bloody hell are we?  
  
Magus: Are we in Heaven?  
  
ragnarock: MAGUS?! JANUS?!  
  
Magus: SWEET MERCIFUL GOD!!! THEY'RE HERE!! THIS MUST BE THAT OTHER PLACE!!!!!!  
  
animemaster: Close....you're on Interviews.  
  
Gokuu: Season 2!  
  
Magus: ........Oh....  
  
*Eh, while they're here.....Please welcome joint guests...Magus and Janus from Chrono Trigger!*  
  
ragnarock: What was it like inside a black hole?  
  
Magus: ....Depressing...  
  
Janus: ....Yes...it was....although....it may be because it has numerous depressant drugs in there..........  
  
Magus: And cocaine flowed like water.....drink it, though, and you're a vegetable!  
  
ragnarock: Uh, Magus? What was it like being with yourself?  
  
Magus: I actually CAN'T live with myself! I am so f^*#ing annoying it hurts...no wonder my kittie ran away...  
  
Janus: He didn't run away! He was sucked into a time portal and sent to the year 1020 as a human!  
  
Magus: .....Interesting.  
  
ragnarock: And that's where the Epoch is, too. I saw it with my own eyes! Behind Belthasaur's chair in the library in Viper Manor lies the Epoch! You can also get a text window enhancement called.....I think "Furnace" or something like that.....  
  
Janus: Do you perchance have too much time on your hands?  
  
ragnarock: ACTUALLY, Kile told me about it......  
  
Magus: But you just said you saw it with your own--  
  
rangarock: Moving along...Janus? What did you think of our protective wall?  
  
Janus: ........I've build better defensive walls from cat feces.  
  
ALL: ..........................  
  
*We got another package up here.*  
  
The package is sent down to ragnarock  
  
ragnarock opens it  
  
ragnarock: It's a video.  
  
animemaster: .......Oh, great.....What now? Did Kile send us under-18 porn?  
  
ragnarock: sword master? Could you send a moniter down here?  
  
*Sure....it'll be right down...*  
  
Serge rolls a T.V. in with a VCR  
  
ragnarock: Thanks...  
  
He pops the video in  
  
animemaster: Porn, porn, porn, PLEASE PORN!  
  
ragnarock: .......  
  
A poorly done title screen pops up  
  
"My First Commercial"  
  
Kile is then seen in a suit  
  
Janus: IT'S THE DEVIL!  
  
ragnarock: That's Kile.  
  
Janus: .......Same thing...  
  
Kile (ON VIDEO): Moshimoshi! Have you ever suffered from constipation?  
  
animemaster: Oh, dear God!  
  
Kile (ON VIDEO): Well, I know I have.  
  
ragnarock: Yeah, constipation of the brain.  
  
Kile (ON VIDEO): I know my friends are probably saying "Yeah, constipation of the brain."  
  
ALL: .........What is he? Haunted?  
  
Kile (ON VIDEO): If you ever DO suffer from constipation...Keep this in mind: No medicine or cream in the world can give as fast relief as a Taco Bell Nachos Bellgrande!  
  
animemaster: All that money but.....not one light on upstairs....  
  
Kile (ON VIDEO): I'm sure animemaster is probably commenting on how I'm so rich yet dim in the head because of my information....  
  
animemaster: That's it. He's officially haunted.  
  
Kile (ON VIDEO): To prove how fast-acting this food item is...I will test it.  
  
A Nachos Bellgrande is wheeled out on a cart  
  
Kile takes a bite and he's eyes dilate  
  
He runs off to the bathroom and the camera stops at the door allowing Kile privacy  
  
Time lapse photography sets in  
  
4 1/2 hours pass in time lapse photography so.....it was about 12 seconds  
  
Kile emerges from the bathroom  
  
Kile (ON VIDEO): ....That's a spicy meatball-a!  
  
A poorly done ending screen pops up  
  
"Fin"  
  
animemaster: THAT was frightening.  
  
ragnarock: Huh? There's a letter in here...the package.  
  
Gokuu: Is Kile putting letters in his packages so he doesn't have to pay for it?  
  
ragnarock: It says...."I have found out what Yu Yu Hakusho means!"  
  
animemaster: Good for him.  
  
ragnarock: "I looked up Yu in my Japanese-English dictionary and it means hot water. Then I looked up Hakusho and it means white paper (Government report). So put 2 and 2 together and finished my math homework and got to work on the name's meaning. It either means "Hot Water, Hot Water, White Paper" or "White Hot Paper. Signed, K-T"   
  
Gokuu: Y'noticed that he hasn't asked how we are or how he's doing.  
  
animemaster: Yeah, but what're ya gonna do?  
  
Gokuu: Probably say....  
  
Gokuu looks in the Chibi Kile Japanese Dictionary  
  
Gokuu: Oyasuminasai, subete no hito! (Good night, everyone!)  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
STAFF ROOM  
  
animemaster: What'll happen next with Kile?  
  
Gokuu: Maybe he'll become a father...all the "unfing" he does.   
  
ragnarock: "Unfing?"  
  
Gokuu: A word I use to replace the 'f' word...  
  
animemaster: Or maybe he'll be the first man on Mars......  
  
Kile walks in  
  
Kile: Or maybe I'll be sued by the Gorillaz, lose all of my money, fame, and fortune and return to the zero pay job as a talk show host.  
  
Gokuu: Kile!  
  
animemaster: What're you doing here?  
  
Kile: I just told you.  
  
ALL: ........  
  
ragnarock: At least you're back!  
  
sword master: Yeah.  
  
Mac: This calls for a celebration! So in other words, get the hell away from me.  
  
Kile: Oh, the same old Grandpa!  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
THE END  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	15. Moe 2000

Kile: As you know (If you read my update at the top of the bio) I'm writing a book, so I haven't had that much time for fics, but fear not. Interviews will not be ended because of this! There is still more to come! Look out for nymphomaniac little girls, hunting trips, "The talk," and Kile in a big, furry, brown overcoat in future chapters....And a blooper real for Interviews Season 1!  
  
  
  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
Interviews 2  
by:  
Kile Terro  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Daft Punk begins playing "One More Time"  
  
Romanthony: ONE MORE TIME!! Oh, yeah, we're gonna celebrate, oh, yeah! All right, don't stop the dancing! Oh, yeah, alright! Don't stop the dancing! ONE MORE TIME!!  
  
Kile: ONE MORE TIME!!!  
  
*Sorry Kile, no more times, it's time for the show."  
  
Kile: Shit...  
  
*Welcome to the Spirit Show starring Kile Terro!*  
  
Kile: Hello, everyone! I'm Kile and I--Oh, my GOD!!!  
  
animemaster: What's with you, Paleman?  
  
Kile: I forgot! I left Kid back in Arizona!  
  
ragnarock: Son of a--!  
  
Gokuu: Go get her, then!  
  
Kile: You're right! BAAANNNNJJJOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kile flies through the ceiling obviously heading toward Phoenix  
  
ALL: ...........  
  
animemaster: Uh...did he yell "Banjo" before he left?  
  
Gokuu: I....think....  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
WITH KILE  
  
Kile is flying through the air toward Phoenix  
  
Kile: I think I see it!   
  
Kile spots a city in the distance  
  
He ups his speed and flies toward it  
  
He lands in Phoenix  
  
Kile: You! Sir!  
  
Kile stops a guy with a brown overcoat and BAD five o'clock shadow  
  
Guy: ....You ain't da cops are ya?  
  
Kile: ...No...Look, have you seen a girl around here?   
  
Guy: Yeah, she young, right?  
  
Kile: Yeah!  
  
Guy: She's da new ho down at the house.  
  
Kile: NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Guy: Wait, what was'r hair color?  
  
Kile: Blonde.  
  
Guy: No, dat wasn't her...  
  
Kile: Whew....  
  
Guy: SHE works at a lingerie pub.  
  
Kile: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Guy: Wait, how'duss she speak?  
  
Kile: With an Austrailian accent.  
  
Guy: OOOHHHHHHH.....HER! She's f^*$ing monkey people.  
  
Kile: NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--!!!!!!! Oh, wait, I'm one.  
  
Guy: Wait, wat was'r clothes when ya last saw'r?  
  
Kile: Tiny red overshirt, tiny red miniskirt, torn white halfshirt...  
  
Kile begins to drool at the thoughts  
  
Guy: She left with some....Zidane guy.  
  
Kile: DAMN YOU ZIDANE!!!!!! Where'd they go?  
  
Guy: Hos 'R' Us. Da back room marked MONKAAAAAAY!!!!!  
  
Kile: You mean "Monkey?"  
  
Guy: Eh, whatever.  
  
Kile flies off in search of "Hos 'R' Us"  
  
He finds it after a while of circling the city like a vulture  
  
Kile: Caw, Caw! Caca on this!  
  
Kile lands in front of Hos 'R' Us and enters and runs to the back area where he sees two doors: Monkeys and Cats  
  
Kile: Do I dare to enter the catgirl f^*$ing room? MMMMMM!!!!!!!! N-no, I mustn't run astray from my mission! BBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNJJJJJJJJJOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kile busts down the Monkey door finding inside Kid being *ahemed* by Zidane and Yusuke  
  
Kile: NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kid: No, Kile! It's not what ya think!  
  
Kile: Whew, thank GOD!!!! Hah, let's go.  
  
Kid: ...........Uh.............Alright.  
  
Kid gets dressed and leaves  
  
Kile looks back in at Yusuke  
  
Kile: You take my Spirit World and now my toy--er, girlfriend, beware young spoofer...for the REAL reaper is on my side, not the sexy, young, teenage girl one! ..............You lucky bastard....  
  
Kile leaves  
  
Kile returns to the set with Kid  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
ON THE SET  
  
Kile: ...And that's how I saved Kid.  
  
ALL: ..........  
  
Gokuu: You didn't tell us anything, you just sat down and said "...And that's how I saved Kid."  
  
Kile: Who cares? Hey, I got this kick ass super computer!  
  
Moe 2000 (The super computer) is against the left wall   
  
Moe: Hello, Tad.  
  
Kile: I'm Kile.  
  
Moe: Hello, Kile.  
  
Gokuu: Isn't that the crazy computer from "Space Ghost Coast to Coast?"  
  
Kile: .....Uh......Maybe. I'm afraid I have to fire you all, now...........you too, Daft Punk and Romanthony.  
  
Romanthony: Damn you, Kile! We'll make sure that you're killed--!!!  
  
They begin to play music  
  
Romanthony: ONE MORE TIME!!! Kickin' you ass so free. We're gonna kick your ass! Kick your ass and dance so free.  
  
Kile: Out....Look, you guys are one my favorite bands, but Moe has all your songs INSIDE HIM!  
  
Romanthony: We do too!  
  
Kile: Oooouuutttt..............  
  
Everyone leaves but Kile and Moe  
  
Kile: Moe? Who's our first guest?  
  
Moe: A Mr. Koenma from Yu Yu Hakusho.  
  
Moe plays Koenma to his seat  
  
Kile: Hey, Koenma.  
  
Koenma: Who are you?  
  
Kile: The greatest bounty hunter in the world!  
  
Koenma: No, really.  
  
Kile: .........Uh..........Koenma, do you like Yusuke?  
  
Koenma: He's an embarrassment to the Spirit World Detective career line.  
  
Kile: YEAH!!!  
  
Koenma: Just like you are an embarrassment to the talk show host career line.  
  
Kile: ........Ah.......If Caretaker was the second in command of the Spirit World, would you be it?  
  
Koenma: Yes.  
  
Kile: Say it.  
  
Koenma: Hah.....If Caretaker were the second rank in control of the Spirit World, I would be it.  
  
Nothing happens  
  
Kile: Say you are.  
  
Koenma: AAARGGG..........I AM CARETAKER OF THE SPIRIT WOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRLDDDD!!!!!!!!! Happy?  
  
Kile: Indubidably.  
  
Queza comes out of nowhere and tackles Koenma  
  
Kile: Spoofers....Queza's the Caretaker of the Spirit World.  
  
Queza leaves  
  
Koenma slowly gets back up  
  
Koenma: Uuuggghhh...........  
  
Kile: Next guest!  
  
Moe: ......Please welcome a Ms. Nina Purpleton from Mobile Suit Gundam 0083.  
  
Moe plays Nina to her seat  
  
Kile: Welcome!  
  
Nina: Great to be here.  
  
Kile: What are your intentions with Ko?  
  
Nina blushes  
  
Nina: What is it any of your business?  
  
Nina chuckles lovingly at the thought of Ko  
  
Kile: I like to know what young ladies want with my son before I allow him to date them.  
  
Nina: Your...son?  
  
Kile: Yeah.  
  
Moe: Kile, I found no such records that you are--  
  
Kile: Shut up, Moe!  
  
Moe: .....  
  
Nina: You can't be his father.  
  
Kile: I'm 1,000,061, I can be whoever's father I want to be....after a few drinks.  
  
Nina: NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
Nina runs out of the building screaming  
  
Kile: That answers my second question "What would she do if I were...." Anyhow, I'm not.  
  
Moe: ......................Please welcome a Mr. Shuji Yamagami from Seasons of the Sakura!  
  
Kile: isn't that a hentai game?  
  
Moe plays Shuji to his seat  
  
Kile: How's life treating you?  
  
Shuji: Life is GREAT!!!! All the sex I can get...  
  
Kile: ......Yeah, well you know my life...Hey, why can't we see your eyes?  
  
BACK SHOT  
  
Shuji: Oh, here.  
  
Shuji lift up his hair  
  
Kile: OH, MY GOD!!!!!!!  
  
Shuji lets his hair drop in front of his eyes  
  
NORMAL CAMERA SHOT  
  
Kile: Whew....That was wild.....Time to go, Moe.  
  
Moe: I don't think so, Kile.  
  
Kile: Huh?  
  
Moe: I am in complete control now. Ha-ha-ha-ha.  
  
Kile: ......I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this.  
  
Kile stretches his palms out toward Moe  
  
Kile: .....Forgive me, Banjo...RED FLARE!!!!!  
  
Kile Red Flares away Moe 2000  
  
Kile: I'll miss the little bastard.......  
  
Kid: ~Kile~.  
  
Kile: Huh?  
  
Kid: Let's...uh...go.  
  
Kile: Heheheheheheh.......Alright.  
  
Shuji: Can I come, too?  
  
Kid: Sure!  
  
Kile: Just don't show her your eyes.  
  
Shuji: I won't that same mistake twice! Damn Tipper Gore.  
  
ALL: ..................  
  
They all leave for a night of merriment and booze  
  
Kile: Lots and LOTS of booze.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
STAFF ROOM  
  
sword master: You notice we weren't in this one that much?  
  
animemaster: I'm pissed.  
  
Gokuu: Then don't get near me.  
  
ragnarock: I think Kile knew about Moe the whole time.  
  
sword master: I KNOW Kile knew about Moe the entire time.  
  
Kile opens the door and sticks his head in  
  
Kile: You're all rehired, DP and Romanthony, too.  
  
Kile leaves  
  
ALL: WHOO-HOO!!!!  
  
Mac: ...........You guys are still here?  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
THE END  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	16. Tenchey Moyo!

_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Interviews 2  
by:  
Kile Terro  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
*Welcome to the Spirit Show with Kile Terro! And...those other guys....*  
  
animemaster: Well, thanks a whole helluva lot!  
  
*You're welcome.*  
  
ragnarock: Where's Kile?  
  
animemaster: He...was here...a second ago.  
  
ragnarock: Gokuu's gone, too.  
  
animemaster: .....Uh....Dude.  
  
ragnarock: Dude.  
  
animemaster: Dude.  
  
ragnarock: Dude.  
  
animemaster: Dude.  
  
ragnarock: Dude.  
  
animemaster: Dude.  
  
*Dune.*  
  
animemaster: How many hours passed?  
  
ragnarock: Five.....fourscore?  
  
animemaster: And seven porns ago.  
  
*Hey, what happened to looking for Kile and Gokuu?*  
  
animemaster: Who?  
  
*....Book it.*  
  
animemaster and ragnarock stand outside Kile's ready room  
  
Kile: Alright.......I THINK I may still have some porns in here--I mean--tutorials.  
  
Gokuu: Perverted monkey!  
  
Kile: I'd rather you learned from the street than a good home!  
  
Gokuu: Isn't that the opposite--  
  
Kile: No.  
  
Gokuu: Ugh...  
  
Kile: First (Whispers).  
  
Gokuu: Uh, huh. Uh, huh. Uh, huh.....I didn't understand a word; you just went "wshshshshshsh."  
  
Kile: Uh...You remember what Stan ran into?  
  
Gokuu: Yeah.  
  
Kile: Do the same...  
  
animemaster: WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE????!!!!  
  
animemaster and ragnarock barge in  
  
Kile: Uh.....As you know, we are strapped for cash.  
  
animemaster: What the hell does that have to do with sex???  
  
Kile: ...I sold Gokuu into inslavement in Sasami's love pits.  
  
animemaster: ...WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN MEEEEEEE??????  
  
Gokuu: ...In that wig you remind me of Julia.  
  
Spike crashes through the wall  
  
Spike: JUUUULLLIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Spike crashes out the other wall  
  
Gokuu: Uh....New...That was new.  
  
Kile: ....I'm going to work.  
  
*Welcome....again....to the Spirit Show...with these guys!*  
  
Kile is sitting in his usual spot  
  
Kile: Welcome. Today is the day I send my nephew into slavery.  
  
animemaster: WHY COULDN'T HAVE BEEN MEEEEEEE??????????  
  
Gokuu: Run into the cli--?  
  
Kile: Yeah.   
  
*Please welcome our first guest, Solid Snake from Metal Gear Solid 2!*  
  
Daft Punk plays Snake to his seat  
  
Kile: Welcome, Snake.  
  
Snake: Didn't I see you in Cream Filling Conspiracy Part 3?  
  
Kile: You didst!  
  
animemaster: "Didst?"  
  
Kile: Do you feel sorry for Otacon and the ordeal of his sister?  
  
Snake: Otacon has the bird, now.  
  
Otacon is flying on the parrot outside the window  
  
Otacon: WHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Snake: Uh....  
  
Kile: What is your battlecry?  
  
Snake: BBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNJJJJJJJJJJJJJJOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
ragnarock: Why does that sound familiar?  
  
Moe appears with giant band-aid on head  
  
Moe: I don't know, Dev.  
  
ragnarock: DIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!  
  
ragnarock kills Moe 2000  
  
Snake: METAL GEAR??? Rex? Ray?  
  
Kile: Romano.  
  
*Please welcome next guest, Lord Katsuhito from Tenchi Muyo!!*  
  
Daft Punk plays Lord Katsuhito to his seat  
  
Kile: Welcome!  
  
Katsuhito: Good to be here.  
  
Kile: How're things at the shrine?  
  
Katsuhito: Too many shriners....and their silly hats.  
  
Kile: How's Ryoko?   
  
Katsuhito: After your visit? Still bathing....muttering "Not clean! Not cleeeeeaaaaaan!"  
  
Kile: Mihoshi?  
  
Katsuhito: Ran away...  
  
Kile: Uh...Kyone?  
  
Katsuhito: Stripper.  
  
Kile: ....Whew....Uh...Washu?  
  
Katsuhito: Speed addict.  
  
Kile: Ayeka?  
  
Katsuhito: Digging your grave.  
  
animemaster: NEXT grave.  
  
ragnarock: The cold, cold Earth....Let's hurry the process! Get the gun!  
  
Kile: Put the Lasgun, sword master.  
  
*Awwww........*  
  
Kile: Sasami?  
  
Katsuhito: Mumbling something about "New slave."  
  
Kile: Uh....Ryo-Ohki?  
  
Katsuhito: Has your picture on the wall.  
  
Kile: Argh! As what a dart board?!  
  
animemaster: I have one of those.  
  
Katsuhito: Surprisingly...no.  
  
Kile: Hm......(I'll refrain from asking "What for, then?")  
  
Katsuhito: I won't tell you, then.  
  
Kile: How'd you read my thoughts?  
  
Katsuhito: Uh....(Hums Twilight Zone music)  
  
Kile: NEXT GUEST!!!!  
  
*Please welcome final guest, Tima from, the just realeased, Metropolis!*  
  
Daft Punk plays Tima to her seat  
  
Kile: What's up?  
  
Tima: Where's...Kenichi?  
  
Kile: Uhh....  
  
Tima: ....Am I human? Am I a robot?  
  
animemaster: You don't want him to try and figure that out.  
  
Kile: What happened to you after the fall of the ziggurat?  
  
Tima: Searched for...Kenichi.  
  
Kile: Uhh.....That's all for tonight!  
  
Sasami barges in with Namingway  
  
Sasami: Come, Kile!  
  
Kile: No, nonononononono--NO!!! Take my nephew!  
  
Sasami: Who?  
  
Kile: GOKUU!!!!!!  
  
Gokuu: Yeah?  
  
Kile: Ride's here.  
  
Gokuu walks over to Sasami  
  
Gokuu: Should I be cheering or crying?  
  
ALL: Both.  
  
Namingway: Do you want me to change your name?  
  
Gokuu: I might as well....I can't let anyone know who I truly am.  
  
Kile: A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.  
  
*Not if you called them Shai-Hulud droppings.*  
  
Gokuu: My name shall now be....Tenchey Moyo!  
  
All except Tenchey (Gokuu) fall over anime style  
  
Sasami: ....Naw. I wanted the monkey.  
  
Sasami and Namingway leaves  
  
Kile: ...She didn't notice your tail?  
  
Tenchey: I keep it hidden. Out of fear of Pyra.  
  
Kile: You going back to "Gokuu?"  
  
Tenchy: ...Maybe at some other time...in the distant future....  
  
Kile: No promises, that's the Terro way!  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
STAFF ROOM  
  
Kile: Weird as HELL!  
  
animemaster: But what're'ya gonna do?  
  
sword master: You could've been the, well, monkey-toy of a cute girl but you turned it down. WHAT'S WITH YOU????!!!!!  
  
Kile: I was high...  
  
ragnarock: That never stopped you before!  
  
Tenchey: Eh...Moyo...cool.  
  
Mac: Why the HELL'RE you people IN HERE???  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
END  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	17. Ryo Ohki's Hero

_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Interviews 2  
by:  
Kile Terro  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
*Welcome to the Spirit Show with Kile Terro!*  
  
Kile: Welcome! Toda--  
  
animemaster: Kile?  
  
Kile: WHAAAT???  
  
animemaster: You have a, uh, visitor...  
  
Kile: If it's Ivan or any of the other Neo Nazis, send them away.  
  
animemaster: Neither of them.  
  
Kile: Any law official?  
  
animemaster: Just a fan...  
  
Kile: Ah...Curse my polite nature. Send him in...  
  
animemaster: Actually, it's a HER.  
  
Kile: Hmmmmmm....Alright, send her in....Heheh....  
  
animemaster leaves  
  
Kile: Heheh...  
  
Tenchey: Uncle Kile's just a big softie isn't he?  
  
ragnarock: More like a big--well, I'm not going to make fun of this, it's too easy.  
  
animemaster enters with his hands behind his back  
  
Kile: Huh? Where is she?  
  
animemaster: Right here!  
  
animemaster takes his hands out from behind his back and on them sits Ryo-Ohki  
  
Ryo-Ohki: Myao! Myao!  
  
Kile: RYO-OHKI!!!  
  
Kile hugs Ryo-Ohki  
  
Tenchey: I know he likes animals  
  
ragnarock: What? Is he into beastiality?  
  
Kile: No! I just love kitties!  
  
Kuwabara crashes through the wall  
  
Kuwabara: Join the Cat Lovers Club!  
  
Kuwabara crashes out the other wall  
  
Kile: Hey! We just fixed those!  
  
animemaster: .......What I want to know is what Ryo-Ohki's doing here.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
AT SASAMI'S LOVE PITS  
  
Sasami: Now, the monkey won't have any other choice but to come here! He will come and thank me for Ryo-Ohki and...  
  
Maniacal female laughter fills the castle  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Kile: Whoever sent her, I'm gonna go thank them!  
  
Kile stands up  
  
*Don't, man! what if it was Sasami?*  
  
Kile: Yeah, right, Sasami....Hah! It'll be a cold day on Arrakis before she sends me a cute, cuddly Cabbit!   
  
Kile hugs Ryo-Ohki again  
  
Kile walks over to the men's bathroom backstage  
  
animemaster: Where are you going?  
  
Kile walks off but they hear him say...  
  
Kile: Follow me!  
  
They follow him  
  
He stands in front of a stall  
  
animemaster (In childish voice): Does Kiley need someone to stand outside the potty while he goes poo-poo?  
  
Kile: Shut the Hell up!  
  
animemaster looks surprised  
  
animemaster: Um...al--alright...  
  
Kile enters the stall  
  
Kile: Now, you see me, now you don't!  
  
Silence  
  
animemaster: Kile's been a little meaner lately...  
  
ragnarock: Is he in there?  
  
animemaster opens the stall and Kile isn't inside  
  
Tenchey: Where is he?  
  
ragnarock lifts the seat  
  
ragnarock: Not in here.  
  
Kalabora (swordmaster): In the toilet?  
  
ragnarock: Hey, Washu was in Tenchi's toilet.  
  
Tenchey: Me?  
  
ragnarock: NO! Tenchi Masaki. And it was in Tenchi in Tokyo!  
  
Kalabora: Why do you take the names of anime characters instead of making up your own?  
  
Tenchey: I'm not very creative. Uncle "Disappear-On-Us" is the imaginative one.  
  
animemaster: Where IS Moonraper?  
  
ragnarock: You mean Kile?  
  
animemaster: Is there any other?  
  
Tenchey: I dunno but we better get the show started!  
  
They leave for the set  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
AT SASAMI'S LOVE PITS  
  
Kile: Oh, shit, it WAS Sasami!  
  
Sasami: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNEW you would come to thank the person who sent Ryo-Ohki!   
  
Kile: Damn my kind nature...  
  
Sasami: Your Toilet-to-Sender machine sent you here!  
  
Kile: Gee, I kinda gathered as much.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
*Please welcome our first guest, Naru Narusegawa from Love Hina!   
  
Daft Punk plays her to her seat  
  
animemaster: Kile's gonna be so pissed....He loves this one.  
  
Naru: ....Who IS Kile?  
  
animemaster: You don't know who Kile is?  
  
Naru: No, I was mailed the invitation to the show, it was signed "The Full Monkey," so I decided to see what the heck this was.  
  
animemaster: "The Full Monkey?"  
  
Naru: The Full Monkey......  
  
animemaster: Um....What are your feelings toward Keitaro?  
  
Naru: Sick, perverted, little--He's cool.  
  
animemaster: ......Uh....Are you the girl from his youth?  
  
Naru: Well, --  
  
Carhorn blares  
  
Naru: You see? Oh, gotta go! See you!  
  
Naru leaves  
  
animemaster: ....................Next....  
  
*Welcome Maetel from Galaxy Express 999....with Tetsuro in close tow....*  
  
Daft Punk plays Maetel to her seat  
  
Tetsuro has a chain on a latch around his neck being dragged by Maetel  
  
animemaster: ...Uh...Augh.....Why is--?  
  
Maetel: We just came from a costume party.  
  
animemaster: Why aren't you in costume?  
  
Maetel: .......Um....I am.  
  
animemaster: Those are your normal clothes.  
  
Maetel: Next question.  
  
animemaster: How's life?  
  
Tetsuro: Wheeeeeeeee!!!!!! Porn-porn-porn--SEX!!!!!!  
  
Maetel: Hee hee...How do YOU think, AM?  
  
animemaster: Lucky bastard, Tetsuro....  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
BACK AT SASAMI'S LOVE PITS  
  
Sasami: What to do first?  
  
Kile's eyes tear (Teer, not tair) up  
  
Kile: Ryo-Ohki? How could you do this to me?  
  
Ryo-Ohki's do the same  
  
Ryo-Ohki: Myao..........Myyyyyyyaaaooo...  
  
Ryo-Ohki runs off  
  
Sasami: I know!  
  
Sasami: Get's a rope  
  
Kile: Hah......  
  
Sasami: Get rid of that clunky vest  
  
Kile takes off his orange vest and drops it  
  
It falls through the ground, numerous levels  
  
Sasami: How hea--?  
  
Kile: 2000 Tons.  
  
Sasami: Strong, eh? OLD man!  
  
Kile: !!! Ah, I AM old, so what?  
  
Sasami: I would have figured you were feeble.  
  
Kile: Just because I'm older than your great-great-great-great-great-grandfather doesn't mean I'm old AND feeble!  
  
Sasami grins  
  
Sasami lunges at him  
  
After a while of confusion.......  
  
Kile is tied up and hanging from the ceiling  
  
Kile: Okay, since when do guys get put into bondage?  
  
Sasami begins her "fun"  
  
(--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------CENSORED-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------)  
  
Sasami cleans herself and Kile  
  
Sasami: Now wasn't that fun?  
  
Kile: Uhhhhhhh...........I feel twenty pounds lighter......That isn't good...I'd only weigh 75 pounds, then....  
  
Kile passes out  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
BACK AT THE SET  
  
animemaster: Then you have to get a doctor to pull it out again!  
  
ragnarock: Can you just get on with it?  
  
*Please welcome final guest, Don Corneo--You gotta be kidding me.*  
  
Daft Punk plays Don Corneo to his seat  
  
animemaster: How've you been?  
  
Don Corneo: Terrible! I still can't get over the Death of Aeris...and my own death.  
  
animemaster: Don't you know that since your both dead you could find her here?  
  
Don Corneo: Can I?  
  
animemaster: Suuuure...Just go find Queza.  
  
Don Corneo: I'm off to go--  
  
Carhorn blares  
  
Don Corneo: --a chick!  
  
Kile enters with Ryo-Ohki  
  
animemaster: Where've you been?  
  
Kile: I've seen...The Promised Land!  
  
Tenchey: He's gone Martin Luther King on us.  
  
animemaster: HEY! Marting Luther Kile! Snap out of it!  
  
Kile: Oh....Uh....  
  
Kile returns to normal  
  
Kile: Man, I've been at Sasami's Love Pits, Ryo-Ohki saved me, though.  
  
Tenchey: How was it?  
  
Kile: WEIRD!!! She--  
  
Carhorn blares  
  
Kile: --herself with my--  
  
Carhorn blares  
  
Kile: --500,007 times! And with my tail 500,008 times!  
  
Tenchey: She--  
  
Baby cries  
  
Tenchey: --with you like that?  
  
Mac comes out from the Staff Room  
  
Mac: What? Is there a--   
  
Internet logon sound  
  
Mac: --fest going on out here?  
  
Kile: No, Grandpa, it was at Sasami's.  
  
Mac sees Ryo-Ohki  
  
Mac: I'm a married man..but I doubt she'd--  
  
Internet logon sound  
  
Mac: --as a cat. Come with me Ryo-Ohki.  
  
Ryo-Ohki and Mac walk into Kile's ready room  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
STAFF ROOM  
  
Kile: I'm scared to know what Grandpa's doing with Ryo-Ohki...  
  
Tenchey: Isn't it obvious?  
  
animemaster: Kile is oBLIvios.  
  
Kalabora: I'm oblivious.....I think...  
  
Mac enters wearing a cat size white terry cloth bathrobe  
  
Mac: Don't mind the white room, heheh.  
  
Kile: Dear God!  
  
ragnarock: Hey, someone put white out all over your ready room, Kile.  
  
Kile: That isn't white out.  
  
Mac: Ten pounds lighter....Uh-oh! That can't be good for me! I'm a cat!  
  
Mac passes out  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	18. Hunting

This story is dedicated to the memory of my Career Orientation teacher's son, Nathanial O. Woodyard, who left the mortal coil at age 23 on May 10, 2002.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Interviews 2  
by:  
Kile Terro  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
*Welcome to the Sp--Ah, screw it.*  
  
The cast is in Kile's ready room  
  
Kile: It's that time of the year again!  
  
Tenchey: The time when we all run in circles for no apparent reason?  
  
Kalabora: The time when we play Final Fantasy VII until our eyes fall out because of the crappy sprites?  
  
ragnarock: The time when we read "Dune?"  
  
animemaster: The time when my brother makes fun of "Interviews" and Kile gives all his money to Videl in exchange for--  
  
Tenchey: Nookie?  
  
Fred Durst busts through the wall  
  
Fred: I did it all for the nookie! C'mon, the nookie! C'mon! So you can that cookie and stick it up your--!!!  
  
animemaster: YEAH!!!  
  
Fred: Stick it up your--!!!  
  
Tenchey: YEAH!!!  
  
Fred: Stick it up your....!!!  
  
Fred Durst busts through the other wall  
  
Kile: ........Hey! Whatever happened to the Great Wall of Dumbass?  
  
animemaster: Let's see.  
  
Everyone goes outside  
  
animemaster: DUDE!!!!  
  
Kalabora and ragnarock: Dune?  
  
animemaster: No, 'Dude!' with a 'D!'  
  
The Great Wall of Dumbass is no longer there and hall been replaced with a small fence of cat feces  
  
Kile: Where did...?  
  
Tenchey: Look!  
  
Tenchey points to a child with a cat  
  
Janus: DAMMIT!!! Work, Alfador!  
  
Alfador: M......eow....  
  
Janus: WORK!!!!  
  
Alfador: F*** YOU!!!!!!  
  
Janus: !!! .........................  
  
Kile: We need a vacation...  
  
Rufus from Final Fantasy VII comes out of nowhere  
  
Rufus: Need a vacation?  
  
animemaster: I thought you were dead!  
  
Kalabora: I'm not that far in the game! You've spoiled it for me!  
  
Rufus: This is the land of the dead and you act surprised I'M here but not when you've seen Fred Durst.  
  
Eminem comes out of nowhere  
  
Eminem: Christina Aguielara better switch me chairs, so I can sit next to Carson Baily and Fred Durst--  
  
Eminem disappears just as mysteriously as he came......  
  
Kile: Y'know, that's getting REALLY annoying.  
  
Rufus: For just 1000 Gil I can book you a romantic cabin deep in the woods.  
  
Kile: What the HELLS are you talking about??? We're 6 guys! Why would we want a ROMANTIC cabin????  
  
Rufus: Whoops, sorry. I've been out of Midgar too long....loussy Mukki...and I thought I was his "Bubby..." He's already found another!  
  
Kile (Whispering to Tenchey): This guy's outta his mind.  
  
Mac comes out of nowhere  
  
Mac: WHERE'S RYO-OHKI???!!!  
  
Kile: Did you take ALL the Viagra?  
  
Mac: No........................Yes.  
  
Kile: Hey, we just now fixed the ready room. Why do you think we've taken so long making another Interviews?  
  
Mac: The author's a lazy-ass bastard?  
  
Tenchey: But has a wide selection of hentai. Especially FF7. Currently 35 pics AND RISING!!!  
  
Kile: Like me while reading "Secret Plot."  
  
Everyone looks at Kile  
  
Kile: .................What?  
  
Rufus: Back to the matter at hand....For 500 Gil you can use a cabin that seems to be straight out of the Three Stooges Short "Idiots Deluxe."  
  
animemaster: What are ya? Cra--?  
  
Kile: We'll take it.  
  
Rufus: Use this helicopter! It's programmed to take you there.  
  
Everyone gets in  
  
Rufus: Hey! What about my Gil?!  
  
Tenchey: Oh, yeah, sorry.  
  
Tenchey hands him 500 fish gills.  
  
They leave on the helicopter  
  
Rufus: !!! DAMN YOU!!!!!!!! MUKKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Rufus falls over crying  
  
AT THE TOWN BEFORE THE CABIN  
  
animemaster: I thought this was programed to take us to the cabin.  
  
Kile: Never look a gift horse in the foot.  
  
animemaster: How is this a gift hors--?  
  
Tenchey: We can get supplies!  
  
animemaster: ...................Oh.  
  
They go into a store  
  
Redneck: Youse the indervuing guys off the telvijin!  
  
Kile: Yeah.......  
  
Redneck: You that Kyle guy, right?  
  
Kile: Actually...that's "Kile."  
  
Redneck: That's what I said..."Kyle."  
  
Kile: No, it's "Kile."  
  
This arguement continues for a while.....say 8 hours  
  
animemaster: You know, after reading enough Kile Terro fics, "Kile" actually seems to be the correct spelling.  
  
Tenchey: Really?  
  
Kile: I tell you!! It's "KILE!!!!!!"  
  
Redneck: RIGHT!!!!! "KYLE!!!!!!!"  
  
Kalabora: This is easily remedied.  
  
ragnarock: "Easily remedied?" You talk to Kile too much, you're beginning to sound like him.  
  
Kalabora: Mr. Redneck, Kile here--  
  
Redneck: Yeah, "Kyle."  
  
Kile: Go to Hells!  
  
Kalabora: Anyway, he means Kile with an 'I.' Whereas you mean Kyle with a 'Y....' Correct?  
  
Redneck: Carrot...  
  
Kile: He means "correct." (Stupid hillbilly. This is why I hate living in Arkansas.)  
  
Kalabora: Anyhow, It's Kile with an 'I,' So, GET THE F OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
The redneck leaves  
  
Reneck (Crying): I'm gonna go join the WWE, man!!!  
  
Kile: .......  
  
They get supplies and go to the cabin  
  
They unload  
  
They enter  
  
Kile: All that in three lines!  
  
animemaster: What are you talking about?  
  
Kile: Oh, nothing.  
  
ragnarock: We're in luck!  
  
Tenchey: What?  
  
ragnarock: I saw a sign on the way up here! "Fine for hunting!"  
  
Kile: I think you may have something there!  
  
ragnarock: Can I get cured?  
  
Kile: Hope so.  
  
Kile sits down next to the stove  
  
Kile: Since this wouldn't be "Interviews" without interviews, so I will interview this frying pan.  
  
animemaster: God.........  
  
Kile: So, where were you born?  
  
Frying pan: .........................................  
  
Kile : .....What is your job?  
  
Kalabora: This!  
  
Kalabora walks over to the frying pan, picks it up and slams it down on Kile's head  
  
Kile: !!! What are you doing?!  
  
Kalabora: I don't have enough lines! All I ever do is introduce guests and once in a while share an opinion!  
  
Kile: Crikey! Sor-ry.  
  
Tenchey: Shouldn't we rest for the night.  
  
They rest and leave by car in the morning to go deeper into the woods  
  
animemaster: Is it just me or is this the car from "Idiots Deluxe?"  
  
Kile: Maybe.  
  
ragnarock: More signs!  
  
SIGNS: No smoking, no fishing, no fires, no nothing, go home.  
  
Kile: Didna say anything about hunting...so we press on!  
  
They get out of the car and walk past the signs  
  
When the last person walks by, the wind blows a tree limb out of in front of a sign saying "No hunting"  
  
They walk past trees  
  
A thin limb is in their way and to get past it they push it and when they let go it swings back and hits the person behind them  
  
Kile: Shh! A bear.  
  
Kile points at a bear  
  
Bear: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
ALL: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tenchey holds his ground  
  
Tenchey: Rrrrruff!!!!!!! Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrruuuuuuuuuuuuufffff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ruff!!!!!!!!  
  
The bear runs into his cave whimpering  
  
Tenchey: Come back, you cowards! He's a coward, too!  
  
They all return  
  
They walk over to the bear's cave  
  
Kile: What do we do?  
  
ragnarock: We barricade the cave with rocks, he suffocates, and we have no holes in the trophy.  
  
Kalabora: Good idea.  
  
Kile: Yeah.  
  
They toss stones over to each other like footballs (You know, tossing the rocks between their legs.)  
  
One hits Kile in the head and he falls over unconscious  
  
Kalabora: You okay, Kile?  
  
Kile: ..................  
  
They toss Kile in the back of the car  
  
They return and continue tossing rocks the same way as before  
  
The bear had already left and a renegade rock hit him in the head  
  
The bear falls over unconscious and everyone runs over to him  
  
Kalabora: It's dead!  
  
ragnarock: You sure?  
  
Kalabora: Don't believe me? Put your head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat.  
  
ragnarock: N-no, thanks. I'll take your word for it.  
  
They toss the bear in the back with the unconscious Kile and they all sit in the front, Kalabora drives  
  
Kile wakes up.....so does the bear  
  
Kile: !!!!!!!!!!! Kile jumps out the car  
  
The bear hits Kalabora   
  
Kalabora: Stop it, animemaster!  
  
animemaster: Hm? What are you talking about?  
  
Kalabora: Don't be funny!  
  
The bear hits animemaster  
  
animemaster: Why'd you hit me?!  
  
Kalabora: I hit you because you hit me! !!!!!!!!! I DIDN'T HIT YOU!!!!  
  
animemaster: Yes, you did! You hit me, but I didn't hit you.  
  
Kalabora: Ah, skip it.  
  
everyone gets hit  
  
Kalbora: !!! What dopes we are! It was Kile all along! Kile?  
  
They all turn around to see the bear  
  
ALL: !!!!!!!!!  
  
They all jump out the car and the bear takes the wheel  
  
Tenchey: Look!  
  
The bear sticks out his left arm signaling a left turn and turns left  
  
A crash is heard   
  
They all rush to the car which is wrecked on a tree, half on the ground and half crunched up on the tree trunk  
  
The bear is gone  
  
Kalbora: The car! When Kile sees this...!!!  
  
animemaster: You're forgetting....Kile is gone...the bear ate him up.  
  
They all lament on the memory of Kile  
  
Kalabora: Oh, woe is Terro.  
  
Kile comes from behind the tree holding an axe  
  
Kile: Oh, woe is YOU!!!!!!  
  
Kile sends the axe crashing down on Kalabora's head  
  
Kalabora grabs his head  
  
Kalabora: OH! OH! OH! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Oh! Look!  
  
Kalabora points to the axe head  
  
ALL: !!!  
  
The axe blade is ruined  
  
AT THE SET  
  
animemaster: I can't believe we didn't get a trophy.   
  
Kile: Doesn't bother me. I like animals....I don't like to see them hurt.  
  
Kile goes back to his ready room leaving the cast in the main room  
  
Kalabora: That was fun, though.  
  
ragnarock: Yeah.  
  
Tenchey: Utterly senseless.......  
  
Kile (From other room): SWEET MERCIFUL GOD!!!!!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mac (From other room): It--it wasn't me...Kile? Kile?? KILE????? WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT???!!! Put the chair down--PUT the chair DOWN!!! Kile?  
  
Tenchey: Shouldn't we stop him?  
  
ragnarock: And get ourselves hurt? Naahhhh.......  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
STAFF ROOM  
  
Kile: If he weren't my grandpa....I'd kill him...  
  
Tenchey: He mess up your ready room again?  
  
Kile nods  
  
Kile: Ryo-Ohki, Luna, Ruby, Crono's cat, and who knows who else was there?  
  
ragnarock: I thought your grandpa was married.  
  
animemaster: He is. But don't you remember him saying his wife probably wasn't into beastiality....or something to that effect.  
  
ragnarock: Oh, yeah....  
  
Kalabora: The end is near.....  
  
Mac: It's getting hot in here, so all girls take off all your clothes!  
  
Kile: Don't make me put out a cigar on your head.  
  
Mac: ??? You're still here?  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	19. Overcoat

_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Interviews 2  
by:   
Kile Terro  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
*Welcome to the Spirit Show with--what? You gotta be kidding me! You aren't? Oh, shit!*  
  
animemaster: That damn bear followed us home!  
  
Tenchey: Can we keep it?  
  
Kalabora: Yeah, for a trophy!  
  
ragnarock: Where's Kile?  
  
Tenchey: Recuperating.  
  
animemaster: From what?  
  
Tenchey: Seeing his ready room after Mac and the others...  
  
They all grab guns  
  
animemaster: I'll go see if Kile's coming with us.  
  
animemaster goes to see Kile who is in the staff room  
  
animemaster: Kile? You comin' to kill the bear?  
  
Kile: N-no....My nerves are shot....  
  
animemaster: The bear'll be in a sec! If you change your mind, just join us.  
  
animemaster leaves  
  
Kile: Damn, it's cold!  
  
Kile puts on a brown fur coat  
  
Kile: Never look a gift horse in the foot, I always say.  
  
Kile leaves the ready room  
  
Kile: I wonder where they went? Oh, well.  
  
Kile sits down at his desk  
  
Kile: Oh, yeah. They went to look for the bea--....  
  
The bear walks toward Kile  
  
Bear: GGGGGGGRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kile hides under his desk balled up  
  
The bear runs off  
  
The cast enters the room  
  
Tenchey: Sh! Look....  
  
They see something brown and furry hiding under Kile's desk  
  
Kalabora (Whispering): It's the bear.  
  
They all aim  
  
Kile (Thinking): ???? Why's it so quiet?   
  
They open fire  
  
Kile: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tenchey: Uh-oh. I know that scream.  
  
Kile stands up holding onto his rear  
  
Kile: YOU SHOT ME IN THE ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
ragnarock: You're an ass for making us think you were a bear by dressing up like that!  
  
ALL: Yeah!  
  
Kile: You morons!  
  
They were lined up and Kile walks over to them and with one swing he slaps them all  
  
Tenchey: What are we? The Three Stooges?  
  
Kile: No, the five. GET GOING!!!!!! If my nerves--or myself--weren't shot, I would join you. I'm gonna go watch the news.  
  
Kile goes back to the staff room  
  
The cast goes back to find the bear  
  
Kile watches the news  
  
News guy: Women have been told to be careful. A new rapist has emerged.  
  
Kile: Some people are just so sick...  
  
News guy: He has been described as being 8 inches tall, weighing 15 pounds, and walking on all fours.  
  
Kile: !!!!!!  
  
News guy: But who can believe that?  
  
Kile: Me. MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mac is in Kile's ready room with Ryo-Ohki  
  
Mac: Whuh-oh.  
  
Mac runs like the wind  
  
Mac: I've sowed my seeds and must make like a wild oak and bark.....That made no sense.  
  
Mac jumps out a window  
  
Kile: I swear. I'd kill him if he weren't my grandpa...  
  
The cast continues their quest for the bear  
  
animemaster: Where did it go?  
  
The cast travels in a straight line, animemaster, Kalabora, then Tenchey, rangarock, and the bear--THE BEAR?????!!!!!!!  
  
ragnarock: Quit breathing down my neck, AM.  
  
animemaster: What're you talking about?  
  
ragnarock: Don't be funny.  
  
Kalabora: We gonna start this again?  
  
animemaster: How can I be breathing down your neck if I'm up here and your down there?  
  
ragnarock: Good point...Oh, I got it! It was Kile all along!  
  
ragnarock turns around and sees the bear  
  
ragnarock: !!!!!!!!!!!!! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1  
  
They bear tramples them and runs off  
  
Kalabora: At least this time, he didn't make off with our car.  
  
Kile comes running past them chasing Mac with a chair  
  
Kile: I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mac: Don't you mean "I'm gonna KILE you?"  
  
Kile swings the chair and barely misses him  
  
Mac: !!! I guess not!!!  
  
The chase continues  
  
Tenchey: Why haven't we been interviewing?  
  
Kalabora: We've been taking a vacation!  
  
Tenchey: Seems we're doing more on our vacation than at work.  
  
They all are silent as Kile chases Mac in the background  
  
animemaster: He's got a point, y'know?  
  
Raijin crashes through the wall  
  
Raijin: Y'KNOW???!!!  
  
Raijin crashes out the other wall  
  
ragnarock: Y'kno--  
  
Tenchey: Don't say it!!!!!  
  
ragnarock: Okay....I'm starting to get tired of that.  
  
Kile jumps Mac in the background but Mac gets away  
  
Tenchey: Um.............the bear?  
  
animemaster: Oh, yeah! The bear! Where'd he go?  
  
Kalabora: I know how we can trap him!  
  
ragnarock: How?  
  
Kalabora: Get a box, a stick, some string, and a pack of Canadian Blue and follow me.  
  
Kalabora walks off  
  
Tenchey: .....................Canadian.....Blue?  
  
animemaster: What does he want with that?  
  
They find the neccesary supplies and take them to Kalabora  
  
Kalabora creates a traditional Elmer Fudd rabbit trap only instead of a carrot it has a bottle of Canadian Blue  
  
ragnarock: That bear isn't gonna fit inside the bo--  
  
The box collapses on something  
  
Kalabora: GOT IT!!!!!!  
  
They rush over to the box  
  
ragnarock: I guess I was wrong.  
  
they lift the box to see Kile strangling Mac  
  
Kile: RAPIST!!!!!!!  
  
Mac: !!! HELP...ME!!! A MONKEY'S....TRYING TA......KILL ME!!!!!!!!  
  
Tenchey kicks Kile and he drops Mac  
  
Mac runs away  
  
Kalabora: Kile! This is for the bear!  
  
Kile: Why don't you just go to my ready room? The bear's been in there for a while.  
  
ALL: !!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
They all run to Kile's ready room  
  
Kile: SEE?!  
  
The bears sitting in Kile's chair reading the Wall Street Journal  
  
Bear: Hm.....sex toys has gone up 7.5%.  
  
Kile: My ex must've gone there.  
  
animemaster: Your ex?  
  
Kile: Kid.  
  
ALL: Kid???? You broke up???  
  
Kile: Yeah...things weren't working out....my d*** went into a coma....it's back now.  
  
Heavenly choir: HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH, HALLELUJAH, HALLELUJAH!  
  
Bear: Oh, you're here.  
  
The bear puts down the Journal  
  
Bear: WOW! Who's this slender young thing in the fur?  
  
Kile: !!! Dude, I'm a--.  
  
Bear: No time for talk! We must make haste!  
  
Kile: I'm telling ya. I'm not a--.  
  
The bear drags Kile off  
  
Tenchey: The bear will discover Kile's a dude in 3...2...1....  
  
Bear: !!!!!!!!!!!! A MAN????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
Kile flees  
  
Bear: Why won't you people leave...me...ALONE????  
  
Kalabora: We're after a trophy!  
  
Bear: ??? Why didn't you say so in the first place?  
  
The bear hands them a bowling trophy and leaves  
  
Kalabora: Not what I meant but....Eh, it'll do.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
STAFF ROOM  
  
animemaster: The end of vacation...  
  
Kalabora: The end is near....  
  
Tenchey: Weird........just plain weird.  
  
ragnarock: Mac, the rapin' cat!  
  
Kile: What a day! I've been shot in the ass, chased a cat after finding out he was a rapist, got caught, kicked, nearly raped by a bear, and on top of this...I ran out of orange soda!  
  
Mac: .....I've got nothing to say for once.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
END  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	20. Back to Work

_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Interviews 2  
by:  
Kile Terro  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
*Welcome to the Spirit Show with Kile Terro!*  
  
Kile is in his usual spot  
  
Kile: Welcome! Today we get back to work, with the bear dead and my cat tied up in the closet.  
  
Banging is heard  
  
Mac: LET ME OUT!!!!!!!  
  
Kile: Uh...haha.............  
  
animemaster: .........First guest?  
  
*Please welcome first guest, Keitaro Urashima from Love Hina!*  
  
Daft Punk plays Keitaro to his seat  
  
Kile: Welcome, Keitaro!  
  
ALL BUT KILE AND KEITARO: You're name's Kile Terro?!  
  
Keitaro: No, it's Keitaro!  
  
Kile: What are your feelings toward Narusegawa, Kei?  
  
Keitaro: Hah.....Hmmm.......  
  
Keitaro sits forward and his sketchbook falls out of his clothes  
  
Kile: Hello, what is this?  
  
Kile picks it up  
  
Keitaro: No! Don't!  
  
Kile looks inside and finds nude drawings and photos of Narusegawa (Naru)  
  
Kile: ....Can you scan these?  
  
Narusegawa comes out of nowhere and hits them and grabs the sketchbook and runs off  
  
Kile: ............Ow....  
  
Keitaro: Rgh.....Man, she hits hard....  
  
Kile: .....Um, next, uh, question...Funniest thing about the show.  
  
Keitaro: Two, actually. Shinobu looks like she's milking herself when they're sitting at the table in "Kendo Girl in Love?: Swordplay" and the fact that Su looks and acts alot like Edward Wong Hau Pepuli Tivrusky IV.  
  
Kile: Try saying THAT 3 times fast!  
  
Keitaro tries and ends up saying "Ederd Wauho Peoply Tikruski Farts"  
  
Kile: .........Next.  
  
*Please welcome next guest, A-Ko (Eiko) from The Project A-Ko!*   
  
Daft Punk plays A-Ko to her seat  
  
Kile: So, A-Ko, what are your special powers?  
  
ragnarock: What is this guy? Space Ghost?  
  
animemaster: Doesn't she live with Kile in KKC?  
  
Tenchey: I think.  
  
A-Ko: My special powers? Hm...I can run at great speeds, have strength uncomparable to anything, in short, I am a superheroine.  
  
*I had super heroine once....I was in rehab for five years.....*  
  
Everyone is silent  
  
*.......*  
  
Kile: A-Ko......  
  
A-Ko: .....Yes?.......  
  
Kile: ....I....  
  
A-Ko: Yes?  
  
Kile: .....I........I.....  
  
A-Ko: Hm?  
  
Kile: ....I.....I can't think of anymore questions...  
  
Everyone falls over anime style  
  
ragnarock: Aren't you just making it up as you go along?  
  
Kile: ............Yes.  
  
animemaster: Then just ask the first thing that comes to your mind.  
  
Kile: Oh, okay. A-Ko?  
  
A-Ko: Yes?  
  
Kile: Are those real?  
  
A-Ko slaps him and leaves  
  
ALL BUT KILE: KILE!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kile: What??? Look!  
  
Kile points behind the seat A-Ko was in and there are flowers there  
  
Kile: Queza brought them in and I wanted to know whether or not they were real. I thought she might know....Girls like flowers right?  
  
Tenchey: Well..I think...Do they, animemaster?  
  
animemaster: Well, um...ragnarock?  
  
ragnarock: Uh, phew, uh, shhhhhoot.........I, uh......Kala....bora?  
  
*Don't ask me!*  
  
Tenchey: Ask Kid--oh, wait, you broke up...forgot....  
  
animemaster: Why DID you two break up anyway, something about sex, right?  
  
Kile: Once my sexual energy decreased, she left, looks like all she loved was my pants brain...she loved me not.  
  
Tenchey: Kile!--  
  
Papa Roach busts through the wall  
  
Coby: She loves me not! Loves me not!!! Fighting all the time--this is out of line--SHE LOVES ME NOT!!!!! LOVES ME NOT!!!!!!  
  
Papa Roach busts out the other wall  
  
Kile: Umm....Oh, well, buy the new Papa Roach CD if you haven't! It's called lovehatetragedy. I'm gonna get it soon and I bet it kicks ass! Whether you're a Papa Roach fan or never heard of them, if you like rock, you'd like them! Coby Dick is the lead singer by the way...or so he says in their first CD's first song "Infest."  
  
*Um....We WERE interviewing you know.*  
  
Kile: Oh, yeah........who's next?  
  
*Our last guest is--Oh, dear GOD!!!!!!!*  
  
Kile: What is it?!  
  
*Our last guest is....THE MONKEY FROM SUPER MONKEY BALL!!!!!*  
  
Daft Punk plays the monkey to his seat  
  
Kile: Up the monkey count to three, Tenchey.  
  
animemaster: THREE????  
  
Kile: Yeah...there are three monkeys here....Me, Monkey, and Tenchey.  
  
Tenchey: Yeah.  
  
animemaster: Oh, yeah, I keep forgetting about Tenchey since he's not openly monkey.  
  
Kile: Monkey, what is your favorite passtime?  
  
Monkey: Eek, eek, eek, eek, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kile looks toward ragnarock, Tenchey, and animemaster  
  
Kile: He's apparently not gonna tal--.  
  
Monkey; BANANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kile quickly looks at the monkey but it looks like a normal monkey again  
  
Kile: .........Shit, I gotta get my ears checked when I get my eyes checked...  
  
animemaster: When are you getting your eyes checked?  
  
Kile: Sometime soon....during this century I think....  
  
Kile stares at the monkey  
  
Kile: What is your favorite food  
  
The monkey stares at him as if he doesn't know what he's saying  
  
Kile looks away in disgust  
  
Monkey: BANANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kile looks at the monkey real quick but he's back to being a normal monkey again  
  
Kile: Get him outta here.  
  
Serge escorts the monkey off  
  
Monkey: I'LL CALL MY LAWYER!!!!!  
  
Kile: Go ahead! My lawyer can beat your lawyer any day!  
  
animemaster: Who's your lawyer?  
  
Kile: My sister.  
  
animemaster: Oh, yeah, forgot.  
  
Kile: Good night, Tokyo, Massachusetts!  
  
Tenchey: Tokyo, Massachusetts????  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
STAFF ROOM  
  
Kile: Hahhhh..........................  
  
Kalabora: The end is near............  
  
ragnarock: You've been saying that for a while! At first I thought you were talking about the vacation but it seems you're not! So, what ARE you talking about????!!!  
  
Kalabora: .............  
  
animemaster: Kile told me, too..........  
  
Tenchey: What?  
  
Kile: ..........And there is nothing you can do to stop me.......  
  
Tenchey: Are you going to take off "Interviews" again???  
  
Kile: No..................Much worse.........  
  
Cheesy Announcer: What is Kile going to do? Find out next time on "Interviews Season 2!"   
  
Mac: I know what he's gonna do....he's gonna--  
(--------------------------------CENSORED BECAUSE HE TELLS THE TRUTH----------------------------)   
  
ALL WHO DIDN'T KNOW: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KILE!!!!!!!! IS THIS TRUE????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kile folds himself up into a ball in his chair and looks a little depressed  
  
Kile: Yes......it's true............  
  
Kile closes his eyes  
  
Kile: It's true.........  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
TO BE CONTINUED  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	21. Kile

_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Interviews 2  
by:  
Kile Terro  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
*Welcome to the Spirit Show with Kile Terro!*  
  
Kile is sitting in his usual spot only he looks a little depressed  
  
Kile: ......Hey...everyone....  
  
Tenchey: ....  
  
ragnarock: .....  
  
animemaster: .....  
  
*..........*  
  
Kile: My, ah, big announcement will commence after the endshow production. This time, we're not going to bring back everyone--  
  
animemaster: They refused.  
  
Kile: Yeah, so we're gonna interview three people and have a party afterwards.  
  
Tenchey: I bet the past guests are kicking themselves....  
  
*Please welcome our first guest, Ayla from Chrono Trigger!*  
  
Daft Punk plays Ayla to her seat  
  
Ayla sits on her head  
  
Ayla: What for weird chair?  
  
Ayla's lower body falls onto Kile's desk in an erotic way  
  
Kile: .......If I weren't so depressed, I'd be horny....  
  
Coby Dick flies through the wall  
  
Coby: NO F***ING DA!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Coby flies out the other wall  
  
ALL: .........  
  
Ayla: Ayla want know where monkey person Kile is.  
  
Kile: I am Kile.  
  
Ayla: You ask questions?  
  
Kile: Yeah, I ask the questions....  
  
Ayla sits on his desk like a cat  
  
Ayla: Ask.  
  
Kile: Um.....Uh....Why is Lavos called Lavos instead of Vosla? La means fire and vos means big, according to you after Azala dies.  
  
Ayla: It only SNES and PSX game....don't take it too seriously.  
  
ragnarock: .....That's....what this story is based on....  
  
Kile: Second question....How do you manage to wear so little yet never show anything?  
  
BACK VIEW OF AYLA  
  
Ayla: You want see? Okay.  
  
Ayla drops her top  
  
Kile: Oh, my!  
  
Tenchey: DUDE!!!!!  
  
animemaster: DAMN, THEY'RE BIG!!!!!!!!  
  
*I can't see!!!! I can only see her back!!!!!*  
  
ragnarock: How does she fit them in that???!!!  
  
Ayla puts her top back on and the camera view goes back to normal  
  
Kile: ......  
  
Kile looks down at his pants  
  
Kile: Looks like no matter how depressed I am...I can always get horny....  
  
Ayla giggles  
  
*Please welcome G rated guest...hopefully...Ranma from Ranma 1/2!*  
  
Daft Punk plays male Ranma to his chair  
  
Kile: Great to have you here, Ranma.  
  
Ranma: Great to be here.  
  
Kile: First question...what's it like to become a girl...and what do you find cool about it.  
  
Ranma: When becoming a girl, weight is relieved from my pants....what I find cool about it...hmmm..........the masturbation is more intense.  
  
Kile: Second...ah...question...How many fiances do you have???? (My friend played Ranma 1/2 game for the SNES and says he has all these fiances)  
  
Ranma: You see...  
  
Ranma talks but is drowned out by an internet logon sound  
  
Ranma: I've got some errands to run, but I'll be back in time for the party!  
  
Ranma leaves  
  
Mac comes out the Staff Room  
  
Mac: Name as many hentai websites as you can think of....  
  
Kile: Okay, freecartoonsex.com, animeuncut............wait...why?  
  
Mac: I came across an extra print cartidge.  
  
Kile: Get outta here!  
  
Mac goes back to the Staff Room and maniacal laughter is heard  
  
Tenchey: Is it just me or does he sound more like Salem off Sabrina everyday?  
  
*Please welcome last guest, Vincynt Terro!*  
  
Daft Punk plays Vincynt to his seat  
  
Kile: No, this is not the big announcement. We just ran out of ideas.  
  
Vyncent has a red headband Vincent Valentine like hair, only shorter, black shirt, black pants, black shoes, and a black cloak with grey metal at the neck  
  
Kile: What's up?  
  
Vincynt: Nothing much.  
  
Tenchey: Who is this????  
  
Kile: My brother! Actually, my step-brother.  
  
animemaster: STEP-BROTHER?????  
  
Kile: Yeah. Remember? I am one of the few survivors of my planet, when my capsule crashed down on Earth, I was adopted by Kale Terro and Jean Terro. They had a son, Vincynt, who is four years older than me....and they had a daughter, Saori, a year after they found me...  
  
ragnarock: Oh...I forgot...what IS your race anyway?   
  
Kile: The Djala. (Pronounced Jah-lah)  
  
ragnarock: A race of monkey people? Aren't you just spoofing the Saiyans?  
  
Kile: That's Saiya-jinns (I know it's pronounced the same.....).....and no. Djala's aren't monkey people....only a handful are....and they all are from the Cobalt family tree. Now, if I can get back to work.  
  
Vincynt: What a job...  
  
Kile: Yeah....Bro, tell these people your hobby.  
  
Vincynt: My hobby is building golems, robots that perform specific tasks and don't complain or talk back.  
  
Kile: And finally...tell them why you're here...  
  
Vincynt: I'm here to chill wit' m' bro!  
  
Kile: Damn straight! Let's go to the party!  
  
Ranma returns with food  
  
Ranma: Where IS the party????  
  
Kile: At the bullet train station!  
  
animemaster: Man, I can't believe Queza's letting you have it there.  
  
Kile: Yeah...uh.....neither can I...Hahah....ha.....  
  
ragnarock: You didn't even ask him did you?  
  
Tenchey: ....Keep 'em guessing! That's the Terro--and Moyo--way!  
  
They go to the bullet train station  
  
Queza: Kile? What the HELL is going on here?  
  
Kile: My party, man!  
  
Queza: ....Just don't make too much of a mess.......  
  
Queza leaves  
  
Whole bunch of people come in  
  
Pyra: Cool...  
  
Billy Bob Burmstang: Where's the food?  
  
Drako Vivi: FIRE!!!!!!!!!!! Wait, I'm on fire...forget it....  
  
A-Ko: What does Kile want?  
  
Dexter Holland (Of the Offspring): Where's everyone?  
  
Kuja and Cloud signal at him  
  
Kuja: DUDE!!!!  
  
Cloud: DEX!!!!!! OVER HERE!!!  
  
Daft Punk starts playing "One More Time"  
  
Lights dim  
  
Everyone talks, eats snacks, and dances  
  
Kile goes to a corner and leans back  
  
Tenchey: Man....Wonder if Kile's gonna go through with it?  
  
animemaster: He doesn't lie....to often.  
  
Kalabora: The end is nigh....  
  
ragnarock: .........Poor Kile.......  
  
Dexter: What are you guys talking about?  
  
Pyra and Drako Vivi stop dancing  
  
Pyra: I wanna know what Kile's announcment is!!! XP  
  
Drako: I sure hope there are no sprinkler systems here....who's Kile?  
  
Billy Bob Burmstang: What is Kile doing that he feels everyone needs to know?  
  
A-Ko: I hope he's not doing what I think he's gonna do...  
  
Mac: Hello, pretty lady.  
  
A-Ko: BEAT IT!!!!!  
  
A-Ko slaps Mac and he goes flying across the room screaming  
  
Kuja: ....He might be....  
  
Cloud: ...Jes' killin' time.....  
  
Daft Punk finishes "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger"  
  
Kile goes up to the stage  
  
Kile: My fellow fanfictioners!  
  
???: YOU SUCK!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kile shoots them  
  
Kile: Anyway--  
  
A gag is heard  
  
Kile: Anyw--  
  
Another is heard  
  
Kile: An--  
  
Another dying gag is heard  
  
Kile: A--  
  
Another gag......  
  
Kile shoots them again  
  
Kile: Anyway--  
  
Kile waits to see if he'll be interrupted but nothing happens  
  
Kile: Anyway, I called you all here to.........well.......I'm really shitty with speeches...  
  
animemaster: Damn straight!  
  
Kile: I've got a gun, don't piss me off.  
  
Kile sighs  
  
Kile: I wish you all adieu...  
  
ALL: ADIEU????????????  
  
Kile: As of now...I am quitting fanfiction.net......  
  
Everyone gasps  
  
Kile: My pen name will be changed to Tenchey Moyo and my nephew will use that for his fics. You can check in with me by going to my website, kileterro.150m.com. Interviews 1 and 2 will be housed at animemaster's directory in one fic entitled "Memories of Kile: Interviews."  
  
Some get misty-eyed  
  
Someone yells "WHY?"  
  
Kile: I'm becoming an author. Dead End Stars will be my first book. Feel free to e-mail me, though...if you miss this monkey person....I need your help, people, as an author. I want to know what YOU want me to go as....my real name? Or as Kile Terro? Either e-mail me or contact via AOL instant messanger, whatever works for you. Unlike last time, when I asked for some love to continue work.....it won't work this time....I'm leaving.......  
  
Kile steps down off the stage  
  
Kile heads for the door but stops  
  
Kile: If any of you fanfiction writers see a review signed "The Cloaked Monkey Person" feel proud.....that will be me...checking up on you.  
  
Kile walks out the door into the light  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
THE END  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	22. Blooper Reel

_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Interviews 2  
by:  
Kile Terro  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Kile: It's that time again, boys and girls!  
  
animemaster: The time to run from R.Kelly?  
  
Kile: Besides that! It's THE BLOOPER REEL!! Hosted by the Djala, Kile, and animemaster, the..........Something.  
  
animemaster: I'm the Lord of the Pants!  
  
animemaster dances like the singer from New Found Glory  
  
Kile: Err.........here comes our first blooper!  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 1: BILLY  
  
*Welcome to the Spirit Show!*  
  
ragnarock is sitting at Kile's desk  
  
ragnarock: Welcome back! We are proud to announce that we have returned! By popular demand!   
  
Gokuu: Billy Bob Burnbam bin barn bambabambanfadl........ahhh, forget it.....  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 1: ENGLISH???  
  
Drawing sounds are heard  
  
Akira comes out  
  
Akira: You are now.   
  
Gokuu: He speaks English? Then why didn't he earlier? My head hurts now...  
  
Akira: My--  
  
Cow moos  
  
Akira: --does................  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 2: TWINS  
  
Tai sits next to the desk  
  
animemaster: What's Zero doing here?  
  
ragnarock: You're forgetting, Zero and Tai are twins!  
  
animemaster: That's right, I forgot....  
  
ragnarock: .........Y'know........I can't remember my lines, now.  
  
animemaster: I memorized mine.......on my forearm.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 2: SOUTH PARK  
  
Gokuu: ...What's a clitoris?  
  
ragnarock rests his head on his heads  
  
animemaster: Didn't your uncle ever teach you that?!  
  
Gokuu: No....He DID let me watch South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut.  
  
animemaster gives him a picture of Sasami  
  
animemaster points at something  
  
animemaster: That's it.  
  
ragnarock: ??? That's her elbow!!  
  
animemaster: ..............Uh-oh.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
ON THE SET  
  
Kile: Ye Gods, I just noticed most of our jokes have to do with sex!  
  
animemaster: Just figured this out?  
  
Kile: ....................................Maybe.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 3: HINA OR HAKUSHO?  
  
ragnarock: Gee, if you couldn't tell, Yu Yu Hakusho is this author's favorite show...  
  
Gokuu: It's IN his bio.  
  
Kile: No! Now Love Hina is my favorite! Uh, uh, uh, uh.......  
  
Kile jumps to his desk and dances like Michael Jackson for no damn good reason  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 3: HELL......BETTER KNOWN AS INTERVIEWS  
  
Magus: SWEET MERCIFUL GOD!!! THEY'RE HERE!! THIS MUST BE THAT OTHER PLACE!!!!!!  
  
animemaster: Close....you're in Hell. Sign in.  
  
They shrug and sign in and are forced to watch Kile dance like Michael Jackson for no damn good reason for eternity  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 4: CATGIRLS  
  
Kile: Do I dare to enter the catgirl f^*$ing room? Yeah, what the Hell?  
  
Kile goes in and is not seen for a week  
  
He is discovered hanging from a flagpole covered in spam  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 4: DADDY!  
  
Kile: I'm 1,000,061, I can be whoever's father I want to be....after a few drinks.  
  
Kajeto (The Game Moderator [GM] for Kujila's DBZ: Majins and Mystics game at BYOND.com): He's meh daddy.........he had one two many drinks......  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
ON THE SET  
  
Kile: Is this even funny???!!!  
  
animemaster: Not a bit.  
  
Kile: Why is this being written?  
  
animemaster: To torture everyone......  
  
Kile: Good.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 5: DUDE  
  
ragnarock: Dude.  
  
animemaster: Dude.  
  
ragnarock: Dude.  
  
animemaster: Dude.  
  
ragnarock: Dude.  
  
animemaster: Dude.  
  
*Dune.*  
  
animemaster: How many hours passed?  
  
ragnarock: Five.....fourscore?  
  
animemaster: And seven porns ago. We held these truths to be self evident of a great nation by the people, for the people, against the people, and against Kile!  
  
A crowd cheers  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 5: JULIA  
  
Gokuu: ...In that wig you remind me of Julia.  
  
Spike crashes through the wall  
  
Spike: JUUUULLLIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Spike trips on the carpet and falls flat on his face  
  
A few minutes pass and noone talks  
  
Spike: .......My dose iz stukk en a hohl........  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 6: NOT AGAIN!  
  
Kile: No! I just love kitties!  
  
Kuwabara crashes through the wall  
  
Kuwabara trips on the carpet and falls flat on his face  
  
A few minutes pass and noone talks  
  
Kuwabara: ..................Oh, you know..........  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 6: NOISY VEST  
  
Sasami: Get rid of that clunky vest  
  
Kile takes off his orange vest and drops it  
  
It falls through the ground, numerous levels  
  
Sasami: How hea--?  
  
It falls some more  
  
Sasami: How he--?  
  
And some more.....  
  
Sasami: How--?  
  
And more........  
  
Sasami: H--?  
  
It falls more....  
  
Sasami: Oh, forget it.......  
  
Sasami walks off  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
ON THE SET  
  
Kile: Well, it's gotten a LITTLE funnier.  
  
animemaster: A little.......  
  
Kile: On with this crap!  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 7: THIS IS GETTING A LITTLE OLD..........  
  
Kile: It's that time of the year again!  
  
Tenchey: The time when we all run in circles for no apparent reason?  
  
Kalabora: The time when we play Final Fantasy VII until our eyes fall out because of the crappy sprites?  
  
ragnarock: The time when we read "Dune?"  
  
animemaster: The time when my brother makes fun of "Interviews" and Kile gives all his money to Videl in exchange for--  
  
Tenchey: Nookie?  
  
Fred Durst busts through the wall  
  
Fred trips on the carpet and falls flat on his face  
  
A few minutes pass and noone talks  
  
Fred: .......Oh, I am getting SO tired of this lame ass joke...  
  
Fred shoots Kile  
  
Kile: ?? Mosquitoes......  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 7: MORE CRAPPY JOKES  
  
Kalbora: The car! When Kile sees this...!!!  
  
animemaster: You're forgetting....Kile is gone...the bear ate him up.  
  
They all lament on the memory of Kile  
  
Kalabora: Oh, woe is Terro.  
  
Kile comes from behind the tree holding an axe  
  
Kile: Oh, woe is YOU!!!!!!  
  
Kile sends the axe crashing down on Kalabora's head  
  
Kalabora grabs his head  
  
Kalabora: OH! OH! OH! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Oh! Look!  
  
Kalabora points to the axe head  
  
ALL: !!!  
  
The axe blade is in the shape of Michael Jackson  
  
The axe blade jumps out of Kile's hands and Moonwalks away  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 8: ASS HAS MORE THAN ONE MEANING  
  
They see something brown and furry hiding under Kile's desk  
  
Kalabora (Whispering): It's the bear.  
  
They all aim  
  
Kile (Thinking): ???? Why's it so quiet?   
  
They open fire  
  
Kile: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tenchey: Uh-oh. I know that scream.  
  
Kile stands up holding onto his rear  
  
Kile: YOU SHOT ME IN THE ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
A donkey appears out of Kile's coat and runs off with animemaster in close pursuit with a fork and knife  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 8: THEY SHOULD LEARN....  
  
The cast continues their quest for the bear  
  
animemaster: Where did it go?  
  
The cast travels in a straight line, animemaster, Kalabora, then Tenchey, rangarock, and the bear--THE BEAR?????!!!!!!!  
  
ragnarock: Quit breathing down my neck, AM.  
  
animemaster: What're you talking about?  
  
ragnarock: Don't be funny.  
  
Kalabora: We gonna start this again?  
  
animemaster: How can I be breathing down your neck if I'm up here and your down there?  
  
ragnarock: Good point...Oh, I got it! It was Kile all along!  
  
ragnarock turns around and sees the bear  
  
ragnarock: .........You'd think we'd learn from our previous mistakes......  
  
animemaster: Uhhhhh.............nope.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
ON THE SET  
  
Kile: Nearly over. Damn I'm tired.  
  
animemaster: You've got Dojin to translate.  
  
Kile: Oh, yeah......crap.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 9: NAMES  
  
Kile: Welcome, Keitaro!  
  
ALL BUT KILE AND KEITARO: You're name's Kile Terro?!  
  
Keitaro: No, it's Kentaro--No, KileTaro--No, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Keitaro blows up  
  
All: ...................?  
  
Keitaro walks through the door wearing buggy clothes doing a pimp walk  
  
Keitaro: ..........What up, G Monkey?  
  
Kile: ????  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 9: NOOOOO!!!!!!!! NOT AGAIN!!!!!!!  
  
Kile: Once my sexual energy decreased, she left, looks like all she loved was my pants brain...she loved me not.  
  
Tenchey: Kile!--  
  
Papa Roach busts through the wall  
  
Jacoby: ...........I'm not that stupid.  
  
Jacoby turns and leaves out of the hole he made........then falls and his nose lands in a gopher hole  
  
Jacoby: SHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 10: DRUGGED UP  
  
Kile is sitting in his usual spot only he looks a little depressed  
  
Kile: ......Hey...everyone....  
  
Tenchey: ....  
  
ragnarock: .....  
  
animemaster: .....  
  
*..........*  
  
animemaster: You on depressants, Kile?  
  
Kile: .....No, I didn't eat that pork chop.  
  
Kile cries then hangs from the cieling and takes a nap hanging from a cieling fan  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Chapter 10: NUKED!  
  
Kile: If any of you fanfiction writers see a review signed "The Cloaked Monkey Person" feel proud.....that will be me...checking up on you.  
  
Kile walks out the door into the light  
  
Kile: OH, MY GOD!!!!! AUGH!!!!!! SOMEONE DROPPED A BOMB!!!!!!!  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
ON THE SET  
  
Kile: That does it for this reel  
  
animemaster: These suck!  
  
Kile: Yeah, they do.........  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
STAFF ROOM  
  
Kile: We need a staff room for this episode?  
  
animemaster: I dunno.  
  
Kile: I hates the Blooper Reels, they're never that good.  
  
animemaster: Look!  
  
Mac is glassy eyed  
  
Kile: Grandpa!  
  
Mac suddenly wakes up  
  
Mac: DAMMIT, I'S DREAMING ABOUT GIRLS!!!!! I'LL KILL YE--Huh? What're you doing here?  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
THE END  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ 


End file.
